Shorty 2013 FAQs

Hi guys!

I just wanted to touch base to address a few questions I've gotten lately about "Shorty," in light of my own personal developments....

I am still recycling! 

Yes, I still plan to adopt!

No matter what happens personally, my commitment to Shorty remains one thing with which I have 100% certainty. Timing is unknown but I'm continuing to take steps toward adoption. It has always been a dream in my heart and continues to be now, more than ever. 

Please continue to collect recycling. I've sort of narrowed items down based on the experience and space in the garage and car! I'm collecting and taking plastic soda/water bottles no matter what size, glass, and aluminum cans. I'm no longer taking milk jugs and plastics like shampoo bottles, soap containers, etc. The big ticket items of course are the plastic CA CRV bottles and aluminum cans.

So far, Shorty has $2295 in the account!

Here is where Shorty is on the chart my friend Amanda made me (Ultimate goal, if international: $25,000)

Thank you for your continued efforts and support! It means so much and I'm overwhelmed by this community. As a continually recovering neat freak, I KNOW how annoying it is to see it accumulate in the garage or how easy it'd be to just toss "that one.." Although it may seem trivial being just recycling, there's no "just" when it comes to tangible support and encouragement. Each bottle or can sends a message. Each "transfer of the goods" sends a message.

What can you do for Shorty in 2013, you ask?

Here are a few ways:

• Save your water bottles, aluminum cans, and glass ware (beer bottles, spaghetti sauce jars, baby food jars, etc.)
• Collect recycling at work! Grab that water bottle from your friend who is about to chuck it in the trash...while you are helping Shorty, you are also helping your kids or friends' kids have a more environmentally healthy world -- you may even put a bin at work for collection if you have co-workers that use a lot of water bottles and cans. Feel free to share the blog and this story...we connect through story telling.
• Aluminum cans rack up the most moolah so if you had to collect any one thing from friends or family members, ask them to save their cans 

If you are just tuning in, you can click on some key links in the "About Me" section on the blog to find out why I'm doing this.....or you can ask me when you see me!

Thank you again for what you've done and continue to do!

Grateful,

Danielle

Another year goes by.....

My birthday was a few weeks ago. [I need not disclose the number.] I had an amazing time thanks to many friends and family. This was an extra special birthday as I’ve seen friends in a new light as they’ve stepped forward to become a special community that has made a “village” for adoption. I’ve wholly become more appreciate of my family away from home. Just the thoughts and admiration of them make me burst with happiness and a smile pops on that hurts my face more than Miss Universe’s must.

Although I got many wonderful and personal gifts (all unnecessary but greatly appreciated), one was given that just took my breath away and made my heart completely blow up. It is a handmade gift from a friend. Because the weight of paying off debts AND saving for adoption is hard to bear (especially when the numbers are large, or equal, in my case), she made a visual (I LOOOOOVE visuals) that would help me track progress toward saving. The left column is in $25 increments. Each time you get $25, you fill in that block. When you reach $250, then you cover another $250 increment on the chart on the right with a jewel. The end goal is $25,000. She gave it to me with $1000 covered as that is about what is in “Shorty’s” account now. She also donated $25 and blocked in the first increment. Awesome right? This reminds me of how far I’ve come and how far I have to go. When filled, it will be dazzling in Shorty’s room, right!??! THANK YOU, AMANDA!!

What is in Shorty’s account right now?  $1308.58

I also have a garage that is constantly overflowing with recycling to take in and more to collect from friends!

I haven’t blogged in a while and have been processing a lot of comments that I’ve heard--some of which are annoying, unbelievably good, and buckled-over laugh inducing.

The annoying? 

At a child’s birthday party, I met a couple with a baby. As they were chatting with another couple, I heard the woman saying, “We moved from XX to XX to be closer to my mother. You just can’t have a baby without your family that close.” [Insert here the sound of steam coming from the teapot mixed with brakes squealing] Now, it doesn’t matter the cities marked by XX but know that it is less than 50 miles to be safe (more like 30). I felt the stab and immediate doubt creep in. Could I do it as a single (if I’m single then)? My family is on the other side of the US. 

Luckily, quickly, I heard the soft internal whisper of “You aren’t her. You are strong. You can do it. I will help you do it.” Of course, the devil in me wanted to yell “Weakling, I bet you don’t take the trash out by yourself.” Yikes, I feel better. It’s hard not to compare—one single income hard-working gal vs. two income very successful parents with family close-by and then one healing child who has encountered more than many adults vs. one clean slate healthy baby. I had to go back and re-read a former blog post of mine.  

I have to remind myself who to listen to as well. I’ve noticed that several of the gals who tell me, “OH MY GOD, having a baby/kid is so expensive!” are the ones who “over-do it” (IMHO) in many cases. Also, many of them are ones with a great double income. I’ve found that my friends who have a meager income and make sacrifices for the children to have cute stuff but keep it real and not “overboard” all say “It’s a budgeting difference—you just change your spending and it isn’t that bad.” What an interesting contrast….that’s a whole ‘nother blog in itself!

The unbelievable?

Well, there is a child at work that I would loooooooooooooooove to have but there are some complicating factors and timing isn’t feeling right. Even though that is its “own” situation, the fact that I have a village is an understatement.  When I even entertained the idea of looking into possibilities of fostering-to-adopt, so many from my village rose up which overwhelmed with me and made me feel at ease for the support I’ll have when the right time comes.  I heard the following (just a few of the many):

“We all think that you can do this. You are the only one that doesn’t know it.”

“I’ll go to social services classes with you to finish your prerequisite obligations so you don’t have to go alone.”

“I can help find clothes. My neighbor has a child the same age”

“We all have things we can give you. Don’t worry about the initial cost.”

I think this helped me to file away the other experience I had. I never said or imagined it to be easy. In fact, I know it will be harder than I can fathom at this point. BUT, I know this has always been in my heart and I know that I’ll make the sacrifices necessary to make sure it happens and that I do it well.

The laugh inducing?

The other question that comes up and recently even flew out of the mouth of a man: [drumroll]

Don’t you think that if you adopt as a single, you will have trouble meeting a man?

Okay first off, “trouble meeting  a man” makes me chuckle. I have not met a good one in QUITE a while for dating purposes. I’m staying optimistic and believing they are/he is out there on a parallel path to mine for now. One day our paths will cross, but OC is not the prime area for networking and meeting possible suitors.

The question makes me chuckle too because I’ve stupidly made decisions in the past to NOT do things I’ve felt I should because they may put me in an inopportune place or time to meet a man. Tsk, tsk, tsk.Hindsight is always 20/20 though, right?

As much as I’ve thought about it in the past, I do not think about it with adoption. I think because I know that God placed this in my heart (long ago) with the desire to start working toward it at this time. I’m not sure when the process will tangibly begin, but I know it will. I’ve been entrusted with this dream so I’m choosing to step out in faith toward a goal. I don’t know all the answers to when, where, and how. I don’t know if someone will come along in the process or after, but I do know that someone will come along.

I know that someone will come along who shares a heart for the orphaned or hurting children and if caring for them means providing them a home, then he will be on board.  

I know that someone will come along who will appreciate my commitment to my faith and pursuit of a God-placed and God-sized dream, and he will be smitten.

So when I think about the men I’ll miss out on because of my choice (to adopt or to have adopted already), I am thankful that I can so easily scratch them off the list from the get-go. There will be no question and no compromise on the act of adoption itself. I will not be able to walk into that trap that so many fall into “With time and lots of love (or cooking), he may change his mind about [insert personal dream here]." I won’t wait 9 months in to the relationship to figure out they don’t actually want to adopt after all. I won’t make excuses for someone else or put my calling and dream aside when I feel distance from him because may be totally on board.  I do not need the kind of man who will shy away from my life, my accomplishments and service, my faith, and my choices. 

So, THANK YOU for your kind words, well wishes, beer bottles, trash, and offers of assistance. None of it went unnoticed, even if I had a flat affect that did not convey my internal clapping and squeals or tears of happiness. 

Blessed

It’s been a while since I posted and several of you have wondered how I’ve been doing so here’s the numbers as of today [insert drumroll sound here]:

Total in “Get Shorty” fun: $909.84

Total just from recycling since 1/23/12: $253.66

Awesome, right?

I’ve been so blessed by so many participating in the recycling and brainstorming looking for ways to help. Thank you isn’t enough. As you know, it isn’t just about the recycling, but those items are the “tangible” representation of your support of me.

Throughout the journey, I’ve been blessed in others ways. As I’ve spoken of before, some have given money to put in the fund along the way. One who keeps sending dollars here and there is my mom and mom is on board—can you tell? Look at her memo line in the check.

Another local friend’s husband took the recycling instead of giving it to me and then passed on the money. She sent a text to surprise me with the news. (Thanks MC!) 

[This is a great way for you far away to be involved]

Aside from the people who are intentionally supporting, there have been some encounters with others who have no idea of my story but have left me speechless, stunned, grateful, and teary-eyed with their actions and generosity. Many of you know how much my heart was broken for the Latino community when I moved to California from Mississippi and worked in Pasadena—the first time I met and served this population. Since being in Orange County, my heart breaks for the city of Santa Ana and for the hardships that the immigrant communities encounter. Well, I recycle in Santa Ana weekly. I’m constantly saying prayers of thanksgiving as I sort and fill up my huge yellow containers as I look around at the other patrons who recycle for income to feed their families. Times are hard. My eyes fill with tears just recalling images in my mind. Each week, I interface with some of the most beautiful people I’ve seen disguised by dirty clothes and wear and tear brought on by poverty. I don’t fit in, even if I go in my worst clothes. Because I go to work after, I’m usually in heels (but hey, I was in heels in my ATV safari in Africa too..that’s just me) and nice clothes. I’m the only White person. I’m the only middle class (or even close) person. On Friday mornings, we have a common ground. We sometimes exchange cheers for "large loads" in Spanglish. One man shared his story about recycling being his sole income at the moment, and I could barely attend because I was struck by the joy in his conversation, his mannerisms, his encouragement for me, and his enjoyment of sorting.

The first time I went, I felt awkward. I didn’t know what to do. Where do you get the containers? How did I take all 7-8 up there as a single person with no kids or husband to help? Will I even remember which ones are mine? How does it all work? I tend to get anxious in new places when I don't know the layout of the land. I was surrounded that day by people who could read my body language and helped. There were no words as Spanish was the only words spoken, but there were many gestures or people who just took over and helped push with me. 

Recently (2 trips ago), I had another encounter that literally sent me racing to my car, money in hand, to have a mini I’m-sad-but-I’m-happy breakdown.  I pulled up alongside a middle-aged Hispanic woman who was unloading her VERY FULL car (I was in awe of her loot). She had been there a while. She had tons of loose bottles filling her backseat and trunk. I, on the other hand, had OCD’ly organized my car for maximum time-efficiency unloading. Everything was presorted and bagged. I had filled up 7-8 containers in about 10 minutes flat. She still had a long way to go. I was in a hurry, dressed for work, and started to the weigh station with 2 of the containers. I could see one of “my boys” coming out to help me [the staff of young guys now know me by name]. When I turned around, I saw the woman with 2 of my containers. I don’t think I’ll ever forget her face. I looked at her with what I’m sure was utmost confusion.  She smiled and nodded with the most joyous look in her eyes to signify that she was helping me bring my containers. She stopped what she was doing to help me. She. stopped. to. help. ME?!?! When the guy took my containers from her, I heard her confirm with him in Spanish that he would help me get all my containers to the weigh station. She continued to help push them from my car toward the area where the guys could better assist me. When I left, she was still unloading. The simple act of cessation from her “work” to help me was overwhelming, but the joy in her face was too much for my heart to take before it burst. I want to be like this woman. I left humbled with big shoes to fill.

Then, it made me think about my first day there, not fitting in and being overcome with worry as I looked around, and with every glimpse, being reminded that I was the outcast. Then it hit: Are our eyes open? When we see someone in our midst that clearly doesn’t fit in, do we stop what we are doing to ensure that they find their way? Language cannot be a barrier. It wasn’t and never is on Friday mornings. I’m always reminded that love is the universal language, and we should all be fluent. 

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it. 

--Colossians 3:12-14 (the Message)

FAQs

Many of you have asked questions regarding this whole process and if I have somewhat of a timeline so I thought I’d just make a post that answers the FAQs I’m getting. Feel free to add additional questions in the comments if I missed something. I’m sure someone else wants to know too, but I think I’ll hit the major ones.

When will I have my Shorty?

Well, I’ve designated 2012 and some of 2013 as the prep years before even applying. I want to make sure I have myself in as good of a spot as I can be before adding another responsibility to the pot. I wish I could do it now, as in right this second, but it wouldn’t be best.

What does prep year entail?

• Paying off debt, first and foremost—I owe around $25k (ouch, I know) now for school loans and debts accrued while working for free during my year of internships. This is half of what it was 2 years ago, so I haven’t done to shabbily so far. I wish there was an easy fix but it is what it is and I’m working hard to tackle this sometimes frequently suffocating number. I’m trying to get some extra hours at work, and all of that income will go toward debt reduction. So far, the lotto hasn’t been interested in my magic number to pay off. If I stay on track, I’ll be paid off December 2013. The other overwhelming part? Just as I pay off that number, I’ll have to make sure I save a similar amount. [gulp]
• Changing financial habits—I’m enrolled in Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University (highly recommended to anyone and everyone, especially teens and early 20s). I’m also learning to reduce what I think I need, use what I have, and borrow from others. I’m learning to stretch out dollars at the grocery store and meal plan for a week instead of buy what I think is a list of staples (that I never end up eating).
• Researching adoptions, agencies, and countries—Thank God for the “good side” of the internet. I’m connected with so many online families and single who have adopted and are willing to give me the “ins & outs.” I’m able to research agencies and find out from others which ones have good reputations. Where there is poverty, there is corruption. I’d hate to know I didn’t have a legitimate adoption. Sometimes I read until I can see anymore. It’s exhausting and it has only just begun.
• saving money specifically for adoption—Anything earned from babysitting or recycling goes straight into the designated adoption fund. It’ll grow slowly but that is okay. Once I begin the process, I can be more creative with fundraising and apply for grants.
• surrounding myself with fabulous moms—I’m part of Mom’s Ministry at NewSong and attend the Village (group of families who have adopted and/or fostered). I also have plenty of Mom-friends. To top if off, I have a great mom of my own and fantastic sister who “moms” 3 kids. What better role models can one have from whom to learn?!
• praying—I pray for vision, discernment, and a miracle! I know this is my story so I know the resources will be available as they are needed. It doesn’t mean it isn’t overwhelming or that I sometimes don’t wonder what in the crap I’m doing. If any situation has ever demanded some serious praying, its this one!

When will I apply?

Mid-to-late 2013. One of the first steps is to have a home study completed. By that time, I need most of my debt paid for security and because I’ll have to move into a new place with 2-bedrooms to show I have space. This will suck up a lot of money that I can be using for debt payment so I want to postpone that toward the end of repayment so I’m not wasting money in a wasted space. I still have some questions about that part of things so it’s a bit hazy. I’m trying to take it one day at a time since 2012 is ALL PREP.

International or domestic?

My heart is in international. My heart is in Africa. However, if the situation presents and is right, I would do domestic adoption or foster-to-adopt. I’m open but I’m leaning toward international because the desire has been there since an early age.

What country?

I’ve narrowed down the continents but that's about it—Africa. For some reason, I’ve been drawn to the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC). Again, I’m open, but this a country I’m researching now. The weight of the debt gives me quite some time to keep researching and feeling it out.

Why DRC?

DRC is one of the poorest countries in the world. It has an 80% unemployment rate. Millions of children are orphans as a result of a nasty civil war. Many orphanages are overflowing and some can allow provide one meal per day. It is reported that the sexual violence against women and children is the worst of anywhere in the world.

Boy or girl?

I said I never wanted girls. Remember my little game with “I nevers?” Well, I want a girl. For an international adoption, this means a lot. After reading and researching about women across the world and their risk of being raped, sold into human trafficking, or having to resort to prostitution to make ends meet, my heart broke for the girls. These “adult” issues happen to children. Children as young as 5 are sold or turn to prostitution. While I don’t believe adoption “saves” children and Americans “rescue” them, these statistics influence my choice for adoption.

Is my family supportive?

This is NEW territory for them, God help them. I don’t know anyone in my family who has adopted or has been adopted. My parents have always been supportive of my dreams, and I’ve made it this far in life fairly unscathed so I seem to be okay in decision-making so yes, they have faith. Even though they won’t say it, I’m sure they are confused by this desire and worry about the weight of a “transracial” family. Having a kid is hard enough, especially if single, and then top it off with transracial sprinkles of all-sorts-of-issues-we-can-never-anticipate.They also know that I've never done things the way everyone else has. They've had 35 years of seeing this. =)

How can you help?

Continue to save up and give me your recyclables. Again, here are the things that I take:

• Plastic bottles for water, Gatorade
• Jugs for juice or water—even if not CA CRV
• Plastic or colored plastic containers for detergent or soap
• Milk jugs even though not CA CRV
• Glass jars
• Wine bottles
• Newspapers
• Tin cans—soup cans
• Aluminum cans—sodas, beer

Which ones are the most lucrative?

CA CRV plastic bottles and aluminum cans

Give the recyclables weekly or save them up and give them when there's a larger amount?

Whatever works for you! I can take them weekly so you don’t have a pile in your garage or you can give them when you get a good pile

Let me know if you have other questions. I’m keeping with my themes:

Be intentional. Be expectant.

I’m being intentional in every aspect of this prep phase and I’m expectant of resources to be provided and miracles to be revealed.

I bought these charms for my necklace as a reminder for this whole process.

The small print on the charm to the left says: "Be willing to believe in the impossible."

Love,

Danielle