Goodbye, Marie

I remember that day as vividly as it was yesterday. I was new to California and my job. I was a Speech Pathologist at an elementary school in Pasadena. It was so different than my experience in Mississippi. I could not pronounce half of the teachers' last names. I had to learn so much about bilingualism as many of the students spoke Spanish as their primary language. I was learning about immigration - legal and illegal and working with families from both. I was working all day and going to graduate school at night in East LA, which was a learning curve in itself. I was a deer in headlights most days trying to make sense of and succeed in my new world. I needed someone "from the inside" to guide me and teach me the ways.


One day I was standing in front of the teacher mailboxes. I was stalling reading what I had as if it was the most important document I had ever received. I felt overwhelmed and lonely. I heard a voice calling my name. I turned around and saw Marie. She introduced herself as Miss Pinnie. She asked how it was going, and then she invited me to happy hour with her. She also mentioned that Miss Lake was going and probably Miss Navarro. Without hesitation, I said yes! She told me to meet her out front and I could follow her. I remember her walking away saying "Look for the silver Saab." I followed her that day to the Colorado, a dark and dank locals bar. That was the beginning of long lasting friendships and memories that can make me laugh or cry at any moment. Lara (Miss Lake) and Xiomara (Miss Navarro), along with Marie (Miss Pinnie) became some of my best friends.


Eventually, we all went our separate ways but kept in touch as we could. Per usual, in hindsight, communication will never feel like it was enough. A few years ago, I went to NY on my honeymoon and I tried to see Marie but it didn't work out.


Saturday, I found out that Marie had passed away suddenly. I immediately messaged the "old gang" to make sure they knew and we immediately began to recount memories and share photos. We also shared sadness, disbelief, and gratitude for what we had.


I've spent the last few days thinking of how much impact Marie had on some of my formative years. Marie was a very complex person and struggled from time to time because of it, but she was good to the core. She loved life and lived very passionately. In the time that I was learning of various cultures and interacting with immigrants, I watched Marie navigate this world so well. She loved everyone and treated everyone exactly the same - no matter age, sexual orientation, history, language, culture, status, whatever. She had pure intentions with all. She loved her students so much and she taught them to be kind humans as much as she taught them the kindergarten curriculum.


We spent so many weekends together. We took full advantage of weekends and the California sun. We went horseback riding every month on a Saturday morning, we ate Mexican breakfast at Los Burritos, hiked the canyons, rode bikes on the beach in Santa Monica and Venice Beach, danced reggae or salsa, chicken wings & the juke box at Ye Rustic Inn, BBQs at Lara's, shot tequila at El Carmen, and sipped flaming margaritas at El Compadre. That's just to name a few. We had several weekends in Mexico at Las Rocas with the rest of the gang- lobsters at Puerto Nuevo, dinner at Ricky's Place, dancing in our room, karaoke, Miami Vices by the pool, and relaxing by the pool. We played Santa "Migra" every time we passed through the border.


Marie loved the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, and she strived to live life according to these principles. She would kindly reprimand if you weren't "impeccable with your word" or you didn't "do your best." She would remind you to "not taking anything personally" and "don't make assumptions."


The beautiful thing is that I've read similar posts on Marie's Facebook page. She impacted so many people. Did she know it? Did we tell her through the years? Did she pass feeling the love that she was surrounded by from afar? Did she know the legacy she would leave?


Marie, thank you for the reminders. Live life to the fullest. Treat everyone with kindness. Withhold judgment. Follow your passions. Walk into conflict and address it. Eat all the meatballs. Dance no matter who is watching because WHO CARES? Be honest with your words.


Rest in peace, friend.

I can hear you calling me "Dan" or "Dani" before you said something important. My heart will carry your words (spoken in your accent) and they will be reminders to me when needed most. My memory will always see you dancing and smiling. I love you. Thank you


You've reminded us of ancient words printed so long ago:

"Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes."

James 4:14

Danielle

LA & a big birthday!

Oh hey there 2 weeks later! Delayed again...

I've been travelling so much (great problem to have, I know) that I have not had time to sit down, rest, and catch up. I've been catching up on things around the house and at work.

But now, I can share my Los Angeles/Orange Country trip. I have been so excited about this trip for several reasons. The reason I went out is to attend the annual Christian women's conference. I've been going since my first one in 2006. It's like an annual feast of soul food that sustains me for the year to come. The speakers are always dynamic and are pretty internationally known which adds a fun dynamic. This year, Beth Moore was there. I've watched her studies for years so I was not going to pass up the chance to see her in person with some of my closest friends. The conference was called GodChicks but is now called She Rises. The name comes from Proverbs 31:15, "She rises while it is yet night." I love this. All of the messages are about rising up in adversity (night). It seemed so fitting this year with the night that has fallen all around us. Some of my closest gal pals with whom I grew close at NewSong were there. I can't even describe how good it was to be with people who know me, and I mean really know me. I so long to be known in St. Louis but you know that takes time to develop. I had finally found it in Orange County after years of searching and building a foundation, and it was the hardest thing to leave. We had a blast! What better way to spend a birthday if I'm not going to be home with my husband? It was a gift. I had already cried every morning the week leading up to the conference. Tears came from excitement to see them again and from the loneliness that creeps us from time to time.

I worked half a day on Friday and then headed to the airport. I had a burrata salad and glass of wine while waiting by the gate at Vino Volo (LOVE their burrata salad). I always wanted a job requiring travel but I changed my mind after May-July travelling.

I arrived in LA at 3:30 and my friend April (who had just flown in from Florida for the conference) picked me up. I arrived at LAX and walked into what felt like ants scattering everywhere! I have gotten so used to the sparse spacious St. Louis airport. I had also forgotten about LA traffic (repressed memories)....we took side streets from the airport to the airbnb and it took 1.5 hours. =/ However, we were welcomed by California Love on the radio.

We arrived just in time to meet the host, throw our things in the room, change and walk down to the Kodak Theater (where they have the Academy awards). The doors opened at 6 and the conference started at 7. My friend Mee Hee was already there and it was almost more than I could stand to see her again WITH her pregnant belly!

It's really cool being in the Kodak theater for this

 

 

 



Beth Moore spoke that night and it was just amazing.

She is such a tiny powerhouse!

By the end of the night, I was exhausted from the travel, the goodness of the night and seeing friends. We walked back and crashed. Well, we might have made a quick stop at Mel's Drive In along the way. A girl has to eat right? No, the food's not great but when you are hungry....it's delicious.  

We woke up Saturday and hit the coffee shop on the corner. We were lucky to be right by a great café, Rise and Grind. We got coffee, brekkie and headed down to the conference. I love walking Hollywood Boulevard early in the morning before the traffic and tourists fill up the street. Louie Giglio spoke and it was fantastic.

Louie Giglio

At lunch, we walked over to an Italian place at Hollywood & Highland. It meant the world to sit with these favorite ladies and chat and catch up. Amy bought a bottle of wine so that they could all give a toast for my birthday. It's those moments around the table that are the true gifts.

After the afternoon session, we ended around 7 and went our separate ways. April and I went to dinner on the way home at Smoke's Poutinerie. I tried the Philly cheesesteak. We were so exhausted after so we soaked up the air conditioner in the apartment and went to bed.

 

 

 

Philly Cheesesteak poutine

Sunday already?! MY ACTUAL BIRTHDAY! We woke up early to walk around and take some photos of Hollywood Boulevard, my old stomping ground. I remember walking these streets weekly, marveling how a small town Mississippi girl made it there. We walked and had coffees before heading back to shower and check out. April dropped me off in Orange County.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I had so many gifts that day spending time with FRAMILY. Friends came over and spent hours with me. We had Hawaiian food, bubbly and chocolate cake. It was golden.

 

 I did get some hysterical "granny" gifts

 

That night, we headed over to the beach to see the newest addition, The Strand. We stopped by In-n-Out on the way home so I could get my fix.

 

Monday, I woke up and went to Cornerstone, my previous agency. This place was like life and professional boot camp for me. I learned so much and met my dearest friends there. I saw so many faces that I've missed for so long. It just felt good "being home."

The rest of the day was spent running around getting lunch at my fave restaurant, Shik Do Rak, and getting items I needed to bring back (also, an extra bag b/c I underestimated the return load).

 

This was a heaping amount of love and comfort to my soul. Just seeing old friendships, family, familiar places was like rubbing balm on a wound cut by loneliness. We enjoy St. Louis and being near family, but I won't lie, it's lonely. I haven't felt like this in years. This LA weekend was enough to bandage me up to trudge onward!

Cheers to a new decade!

Danielle