Happy Birthday Month, Letetia!

It’s July which happens to be the birthday of one of my MOST favorite people: my SISTER!

Letetia has been one of the most influential people in my life. Watching her navigate through disappointments and celebrate successes has been inspiring and has created a standard of measurement for me in my own life. Speaking of my recent link about a single story about Mississippi (click HERE to catch up), I am forever grateful that my sister did not live within any mold or expectation. She was her own person and lived within the lines of what worked best for her. Walking in her shadows as a child and then a young woman provided a refuge and gave me the strength to step out and walk on my own.  

When I was young, of course, I wanted to do everything that she did. I wore what she wore. I used her “lingo.” Her fave songs played on my radio on repeat, in private. I incorporated all the things I loved about her into my repertoire.  She was so progressive so I was always ahead of the game. It only backfired once, when I bought my pair of duck shoes to align myself with the college trend when I was in high school (she was in college a town away). Little did I know how long it would take that trend to make its way that 25 miles to my little high school….I could still hear the “other kids’” laughter as they “got on board with the trend”  a year later. Pfffft, “so last year, y’all.”

I’m most  appreciative of her ability to maintain a relationship of respect and grace allowing me to maintain my dignity while I was in my lost “darker” days. Her quiet but simple initiations of questions and conversation spoke loudly and encouraged me to look at my decisions and lifestyle. It spoke as loudly as if it had been more direct, but allowed me room to make mistakes and encouragement to get up and try again.

Some of my favorite days of my adulthood were spent in Los Angeles, simply because she lived less than a mile from my apartment. It was easy to take for granted the walking distance and ease of visits.  I so miss those days and really hope that one day we will live in the same city again. If you live by your sister, go have dinner with her. Hug her. Laugh, maybe until you pee in your pants.  Have an extra glass of wine or champagne. 

For those of you who know Letetia, you know she is forever young, intelligent (that’s Dr. Sister, to you), stylish, bold, strong, courageous, FUN, talented, and can sport any hair color you could imagine beautifully. 

So HAPPY BIRTHDAY MONTH Seester Beester! I hope this is your best year yet!

This month, I’m reminded even more of how grateful I am for you and this month I celebrate you!

Love, 

Danielle

Enjoy some flashbacks:

 redheads at the same time

 my first trip to CA

 I loved hiking in LA on the weekends

 Hollywood

 So what if we look more like lesbian lovers than sisters?!?!

 celebrating Mom's birthday

 We are sooooooo Vietnamese

 M.A. graduation

Happy Mother's Day!

Today is Mother’s Day. Today is the first time I’ve really somewhat “gotten it.”

I look at the holiday differently. First of all, it’s much more personal. As I tuck money away and pay off debts in order to prepare for a future adoption, it makes me wonder if there is already a child out there who will call my house “home” and call me by the most important name in the world, “Mommy,” in the future. How is she celebrating with her birth mother today? Does she have a mother? What trauma may she face before we meet? This year, my heart has changed as has my perspective, making this day different than any other Mother’s Day in the past.  Many different faces pop into my mind this year—friends who are new moms, my own mother, my sister, adoptive and foster parents from The Village, facebook friends who have welcomed me into their adoptive communities, friends dealing with infertility, friends who lost their mothers this year, famous fierce mothers from the past, and those who have given up being a mother physically in order to “mother” so many others.

Recently while on a trip home to Mississippi, I looked back into my senior memory book. Where it asked what I’d be doing in ten years I had written “Married with 2 kids working as a medical technologist in a hospital.” Well, in 2004 that ten year marker came and went, with me being in CA single with no kids. It wasn’t a big deal in 2004 as I was in a serious relationship headed to what I thought was marriage. The relationship ended. A year passed. Another year passed. Another year passed. Another five years passed. I’m still single. I’m still not a mother. I’ve grieved dreams and expectations and kissed them good-bye.

It could be sad, but it’s not. Don’t get me wrong—on many occasions I have been completed devastated and disappointed. With my “human eyes,” I have had countless experiences of watching others obtain MY dream, some of which I felt were undeserving. That perspective was accompanied by feelings of confusion, doubt, and envy.

So many times, I was reminded of the verse Isaiah 55:8:

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
 neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.

 If I look around with my “human eyes,” I’ll always see disappointment. My heart will harden from envy or disappointment. My faith will weaken as I second guess. I will miss so many opportunities along the way that are building me for a dream fulfilled.  I just cannot understand. His ways are not my ways. His dreams for my life are so much bigger than what I can imagine for my own. Thank goodness, right, because hindsight is 20/20—especially when it comes to men. (sorry, guys)

Had I gotten anywhere close to the goal set at that time I completed that memory book, I would not be anywhere near the mother I will be one day. I’m sure I’d be happy and complacent. Complacent is a word that I never want to be active in my vocabulary when I describe my own life. As I’ve dealt with the unexpected and the disappointments over the years, I’ve gotten closer and closer to God’s heart. He has sent me to Mexico, Guatemala, and South Africa and has shown me glimpses into his heart for the orphaned. I’ve felt in the most miniscule way the heartbreak he feels for children. Hints of my destiny or my “own story” have been revealed along the way—small snippets that lead me into total surrender to a greater plan and desire for more. My heart has opened to the possibility of fostering to adopt, if that’s the plan (who knows?!?!). My dream of adoption that I had as a child has moved to the forefront and within the plane of reality. My heart has connected in a special way to so many others who have adopted/fostered or are in the process. My “mother’s heart” is growing exponentially, sometimes to the point of bursting.

Today is a reminder that I am not a mother as I thought I’d be by this time in my life. Better yet, it is a reminder that I’m not writing my story, God is, and the best is yet to come.

Happy Mother’s Day to my mom and sister—shining role models of patience and sacrifice. I have big shoes to fill. 

 

Me + Mom

 Me + my sister

Happy Mother’s Day to those who mourn on this day—the loss of a mother or a child, a miscarriage, or the motherless.

Happy Mother’s Day to my parents at Cornerstone, Haven of Hope, and elsewhere that mother children with special needs. You love fiercely. You humble me. It’s an honor to walk along beside you and help in any capacity that I can. You are my heroes. 

Happy Mother’s Day to the single moms who don’t have a significant other to give you a break and bestow little gifts on behalf of your children—your strength and courage sets an example that I hope I can follow should that be part of my story. 

Happy Mother’s Day to those in waiting, like me, with a mother’s heart.

Merriest Christmas!

Before signing off for 2011 and heading home to Mississippi, I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas!

This is my favorite time of the year!

I love the holidays in that they remind us of how we should live daily and provides opportunities to spend more time with friends and family. While Christmas is a joyous time as many of us celebrate the birth of Jesus, it is also a reminder of the brevity of life. While we celebrate His birth, we all know the rest of the story. While many of us celebrate the joy in the season, others mourn. This could be the first holiday without a loved one, a reminder of a desire for family for many orphans and foster children across the globe, and bittersweet opportunities to make memories for sick loved ones.

If you know me I live life as if there’s no tomorrow because frankly, we aren’t promised it—I drink my special wine with special friends in lieu of “saving it,” I give items away, and I am constantly seizing the moments that others may save for a future date. Some have looked appalled when I say “I may be dead this time next year.” Okay, not the best wording for some but evidence that I’m living life to the fullest. For those that know me (and not even that well), you know I focus on the details more than the big picture. For me, love lies in the details and when it comes together the big picture is beautiful, even if messy in the process. With the ever-increasing chaos of the American Christmas, I’ve been trying to focus on the small blessings and details in life that make the days special.

Here are a few that have come to mind:

• Enjoying laughter with girlfriends over for one of my home-cooked meals
• Long hot bubble baths with a gossip magazine
• Saying things because you mean them, not worrying about what others think or social expectancies
• Snuggling with my babies at work especially when the one I call “Roo” wants to just hold hands (with interlocking fingers, the best kind)
• Impromptu lunch/dinner dates
• Drinking coffee and blogging with nowhere to be
• Turning on the faucet whenever I need/want while knowing many friends around the world don’t have clean water to sustain health and daily activities
• Sleeping in
• An unexpected smile or comment from a stranger
• Good wine and moments wine tasting
• Getting air mail from my sponsored child in Malawi--is she as excited to get mail and packages from me as I am from her?

I’ll leave you with a few faces that make this season all the more joyous.

Remember to keep a mental count of the little things all year round and give, give, give!

All the best for this holiday season and looking forward to 2012,

Danielle

Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. –James 4:14