Being Brave

If you are just tuning in, you may want to catch up with a couple posts (this one & that one) to know what is going on.

Caught up? Welcome back! Thank you for checking in and keeping up with what is going on.

I think my last blog post regarding my medical journey was that I finally made it to UCI and was seeing the ENT surgeon that I fought for and was given the decision of “wait and watch” or surgery. I’ve decided to continue with surgery. If you know me, you know that I do not “wait and watch” well. For me, I need the facts. I need to face the wall and move past it. The hardest part of the past 8-9 months has been wondering about the surgical procedure and aftermath. I need to close this chapter and move on with life. This can’t own me anymore. Another huge factor is that I know I’m going to be okay. I’ve had so many “Only God” moments that have given me peace throughout the process. I’m not alone. I already feel this “It is done” feeling in advance.

I just received my date for surgery: September 4 @ 8:15 a.m. (Thursday).

Before I went to the GodChicks conference this June, I had been thinking for months about the word “brave.” 

I had recently introduced it into my vocabulary at work, speaking it over my clients, in lieu of superficial adjectives (which stems from this post). Unbeknownst at that time, I’d need this word myself. How would I know that I would need it spoken over me almost daily like an anointing, a confirmation, a declaration? How would I know that I would choose it as an anthem, so to speak? When I went to the GodChicks conference, I chuckled when I saw the theme: Be Brave (Oh God, you stinker, you always drop these nuggets in for me). I knew I would glean so much from the weekend when I laid my eyes on that word, my word. It felt like I had been administered a booster shot to continue on with the sustenance I had gotten (and continue to get) through words I’ve been given from others, only-God moments, prayers, and messages whispered to me through prayer and quiet time. There are always small gifts & tokens that we are given at the conference but this year they were far more meaningful and served as daily reminders. What you surround yourself with matters.

The word BRAVE and what it means really became personalized a few months ago. One evening in the middle of some difficult emotions, I just prayed. It was all that I could do. I honestly prayed to see Jesus in my dreams. A bit lofty but I was desperate for something. For some clear message. Anything. I went to sleep - expectant. I awoke in the morning a bit disappointed because it was not what I had anticipated. Had He not heard? It felt like an extension of my work day. In my dream, I had seen clients’ faces. I had seen families’ faces. I saw them as they journeyed through the emotions and stages of grief that often comes with a diagnosis. I saw them smile with each milestone reached. I saw gratitude. I saw joy eclipse every other emotion. I saw myself working with them equally rejoicing over the tiniest step toward something bigger. I saw myself celebrate steps that I used to overlook. Then it hit, “You DID see me. Just like you ‘get to’ see me every day.” I’ve always said that I feel I meet Jesus daily. He’s in the desperate parent. He’s in the child that has to work much harder to meet milestones. He’s in the child who may never meet certain milestones. He’s present when we celebrate tiny steps in lieu of “big” milestones. I realized that I’m blessed with daily inspiration. I am surrounded by BRAVE people every day, almost as if they are already whispering encouragement back to me by just allowing me to be part of their journey. For a long time, they have modeled bravery in its highest form. Through this journey, “the teacher becomes the student.”

Storms come. Bad things happen. We can’t avoid them. We just have to brace ourselves and keep walking, which means walking toward the giant, the storm. Control typically is not in our bag. What we can do and can control is our perspective and make choices. Choose joy. Warrior up. For me, I’ve chosen to “be brave.” I’ve chosen to find joy in the midst of the heartache, disappointment, and range of emotions. I’ve chosen to believe when I can’t see. I can’t wait & watch. I can’t bask in a pity party (well, sometimes I indulge myself a couple minutes here and there). There are people on the other side of this battle waiting for my experience. There’s glory that will be witnessed. This is part of my story- a chapter I would not have chosen of course – but clearly one that is essential for the rest.

I’m constantly reminded by the verse that my mom always shared with me and I’m using it as my “battle guide”:

¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. ¹⁸ And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

Ephesians 6:14-18

For me, I am choosing to continue to find joy and see and focus on the Only-God moments that come as I keep walking onward- straight into “it” (one could even add a –sh to “it” and get a feel for what the situation is). I have surrounded myself with various levels of support—from the friends to the strongest of prayer warriors that have committed to praying daily. A strong team of prayer warriors have signed on to pray literally through every. single. moment. of the surgery. How amazing is that?! People have chosen to pray fervently for 1 hour. An hour! I can scarcely process this love and support. I’m literally streaming tears as I even type that. To keep up my own encouragement, I bathe myself in verses about courage/strength/provision and listen to worship songs. I have to battle the fears, which are legitimate. There are some very real risks involved; however, it is out of my control. This is an unfortunate situation in which I find myself and I am aware of the risks but I have to move forward and press into it with positivity. Of course, the risks and fears are not dismissed or ignored but focusing on them is too harmful. It breeds unnecessary and unrealistic fears.

I’ve just come across this song by Bethel, “It is Well.” Listen to it here to hear how just how beautiful it is but the words are themselves like an anthem.

Verse 1
Grander earth has quaked before
Moved by the sound of His voice
Seas that are shaken and stirred
Can be calmed and broken for my regard

Chorus
Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well

Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
It is well with me

Verse 2
Far be it from me to not believe
Even when my eyes can’t see

And this mountain that’s in front of me
Will be thrown into the midst of the sea

Bridge
So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name 

It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul

Thank you for your support and encouragement.  It’s truly a gift.

It is well.

Love,

Danielle 

P.S. If you have the gift of time on the surgery date and you feel called to serve in this manner, please contact me for a doodle request to come on board the prayer team!