Happy Birthday Month, Letetia!

It’s July which happens to be the birthday of one of my MOST favorite people: my SISTER!

Letetia has been one of the most influential people in my life. Watching her navigate through disappointments and celebrate successes has been inspiring and has created a standard of measurement for me in my own life. Speaking of my recent link about a single story about Mississippi (click HERE to catch up), I am forever grateful that my sister did not live within any mold or expectation. She was her own person and lived within the lines of what worked best for her. Walking in her shadows as a child and then a young woman provided a refuge and gave me the strength to step out and walk on my own.  

When I was young, of course, I wanted to do everything that she did. I wore what she wore. I used her “lingo.” Her fave songs played on my radio on repeat, in private. I incorporated all the things I loved about her into my repertoire.  She was so progressive so I was always ahead of the game. It only backfired once, when I bought my pair of duck shoes to align myself with the college trend when I was in high school (she was in college a town away). Little did I know how long it would take that trend to make its way that 25 miles to my little high school….I could still hear the “other kids’” laughter as they “got on board with the trend”  a year later. Pfffft, “so last year, y’all.”

I’m most  appreciative of her ability to maintain a relationship of respect and grace allowing me to maintain my dignity while I was in my lost “darker” days. Her quiet but simple initiations of questions and conversation spoke loudly and encouraged me to look at my decisions and lifestyle. It spoke as loudly as if it had been more direct, but allowed me room to make mistakes and encouragement to get up and try again.

Some of my favorite days of my adulthood were spent in Los Angeles, simply because she lived less than a mile from my apartment. It was easy to take for granted the walking distance and ease of visits.  I so miss those days and really hope that one day we will live in the same city again. If you live by your sister, go have dinner with her. Hug her. Laugh, maybe until you pee in your pants.  Have an extra glass of wine or champagne. 

For those of you who know Letetia, you know she is forever young, intelligent (that’s Dr. Sister, to you), stylish, bold, strong, courageous, FUN, talented, and can sport any hair color you could imagine beautifully. 

So HAPPY BIRTHDAY MONTH Seester Beester! I hope this is your best year yet!

This month, I’m reminded even more of how grateful I am for you and this month I celebrate you!

Love, 

Danielle

Enjoy some flashbacks:

 redheads at the same time

 my first trip to CA

 I loved hiking in LA on the weekends

 Hollywood

 So what if we look more like lesbian lovers than sisters?!?!

 celebrating Mom's birthday

 We are sooooooo Vietnamese

 M.A. graduation

The danger of a single story (Mississippi edition)

Recently, I watched a TED talk by Chimamanda Adichie on the danger of a single story. If you are breathing, I highly recommend you watch it HERE, now. It is one of those rare “things” that have shaped my outlook on a plethora of subjects. She speaks of Africa, but it can be related to most anything. For me, I related it to being Southern. 

Go ahead, what comes to mind when you think of the “South?” Maybe Mississippi in general?

Some I’ve heard that are more negative:

 

• Illiterate / dumb / uneducated
• Closed minded
• Religious
• Conservative (Straight Republican ticket…who needs to even read up or vote apart from that?!?!)
• Homophobic
• Racist
• Blue collar
• Slow talker
• NASCAR lover
• Gun toting
• Overweight / missing teeth / barefoot
• Country music lover
• Always pregnant--sometimes caught with beer or cigarette in hand

Now when I hear someone “non”Southern say these things with me at the table, my hospitality comes out full force and I stifle the “Let me take you out back and introduce you to Mississippi” comment that is circling right on the tip of my tongue. My brain recites, “Keep your mouth closed, teeth together, and smile sweetly.”

Everyone is entitled to their opinions, but one should dare NOT to look at a Southern person through a single story lens.

I grew up in Mississippi [and college next door in Alabama] until leaving for CA in 2001 in my 20s. I’ve loved CA and appreciate it for what it is. If I could do it all over again, would I have grown up elsewhere? Noway! The childhood there with all the ups/downs gave me the best foundation on which to be stretched and pulled to become who I am today. I would not trade the vast open spaces I ran and wandered as a child. My independence was in its embryonic stage as I problem solved my way through “little to do” or “little to have.” We didn’t have a swing set, no problem. My dad had an old spool from wiring and I had a rope. My mom had a clothesline. I had a brain and a will. Voila! Within 2 hours, I had a swing that I used every day.  My neighbor Blake and I set off often with nothing but our bikes and a gun [ok, pellet or BB you naysayers…]. We fished. We rode anywhere we needed to go. We built things that we didn’t have. I would not trade that for anything. Noone was there to intercede if we fought—social emotional problem solving at best.

Recently I overhead a discussion about the school systems in America, and someone said “Well I mean its not ‘Mississippi bad’ right?” Well, hold on partner. That Mississippi education was the building blocks for my education, and at that time, I was one of the most educated sitting at that table. [Brain says: Cat, put your claws in your paws!] What I remember about that small town Mississippi education was far more than the classes offered or not offered. It was a place where parents trusted the teachers. The teachers were in control of the class and the students respected the teachers. If a child got in trouble, a parent would never call the teacher to see what HE or SHE did.  Emotional problem solving was taught. Sometimes there are discrepancies in life, deal with it. Your parents can’t always save you, and I believe that they shouldn’t. Yes, mind you, this is short of an unsafe or grossly unfair occurrence. Just those lessons prepared me for life far more than the academic lessons. I have worked in 2 school districts here in CA since moving here. All I’ll say is “worry about your own little red wagon before it rolls down the hill.” 

If you can’t tell, I love the Southern sayings. I hope I become that old lady who primarily speaks in metaphors, similes, and other figures of speech. I feel like Jesus using his parables.

Perhaps I can offer you a different story of a Southern girl, and this is just one story that is vastly different than the single story:

 

• Master’s degree in Speech – Language  Pathology [BTW, we don’t talk “slow/er;” we just add more diphthongs]
• Working on a 2^nd graduate level national certification in Behavior Analysis
• Staunch Jesus follower but not religious at all
• Not yet married, and no kids [= no divorce(s)]
• Clocked 6 trips to South Africa
• Supportive of the right to be a family for ANYONE – it doesn’t mean I agree with any situation but I believe in my right to be happy and loved therefore I must support it for others
• Open-minded
• Go-to food: pho and Korean BBQ
• In an inter-racial relationship to marry [GASP, he’s black; in fact, it’s a lovely story and you can read about it HERE] 
• When I adopt, my first choice is non-White

I urge you to beware of a single story, and in turn, do not perpetuate it. Ignorance is prevalent. Discrimination in some places is just more covert than others. I learned more stereotypes when I moved to CA than I had ever seen the people they represent. I was astonished as a girl sat me down and taught me about the Asian hierarchy [which Asian is the best/worst] and even penis hierarchy y’all [size according to race]. O.M.G. I had never heard anything like that in the great state of Mississippi!!!

So, instead of think of what you see on TV when you think of Southern, think of me or a few others I’m proud to have called “neighbor” at one time or another.

• Jimmy Buffet 
• Medger Evers 
• Brett Favre 
• William Faulkner 
• Jim Henson 
• James Earl Jones 
• B.B. King 
• Archie Manning 
• Walter Payton 
• Elvis Presley 
• Eudora Welty 
• Tennessee Williams 
• Oprah Winfrey 
• Michael Clarke Duncan
• Morgan Freeman 

Sweet tea raised, proud, and always committed to picking a Southerner if ever deserted on an island,

Danielle 

lke i sline. within y dad had an old spool from wiring and i  a Southern person through a single story lens.