That time I got married in Vegas....

Remember that time I got married in Vegas? Oh, oops! That cat didn’t make it out of the bag for many people because I wanted to save up all the zeal for the “real” wedding in April.

Well anyway, I did.

Luba arrived in October (2013). He came here on what is called a fiancé visa. One of the stipulations was that we would be married within 90 days of his arrival. No stress right? No biggie? I’ve loved being in a 3-some all this time—me, Luba, and US government. We knew we wanted to share the moment publicly in a warm personal ceremony surrounded by our closest people. We knew we’d have to have a legal ceremony within the timeline in order to proceed with the process, and it would occur before we had the chance to plan the “real” wedding. The idea of going to the courthouse didn’t appeal to me. I like “off the beaten path.” I like quirky. I like fun. So, the idea hit to do something I SWORE I would never do (remember me and my nevers? Yeah, I always end up doing them) --- VEGAS BABY! DRIVE THRU! I mean, pop-out-through-the-sunroof-limo-ride-straight-up-to-the-window Vegas. I asked Luba and he preferred that idea over the courthouse. To him, having people with us being witness and having fun was the deciding factor.

So we did it! My friend April and I booked it. We booked it right there at the District in Tustin, sitting right outside Pinkberry. We laughed until we nearly cried booking this excursion. Yes, there is a dropdown menu where you can choose Elvis to be present or not.

On the morning of November 9, we headed out to Vegas! I look back on it now and chuckle. We were so new to one another and he was barely recovered from jetlag. We knew we were serious and had made this commitment to each other long before. There was no question that we would marry within a short time frame. It was just so weird for it to be “here” already. We had waited so long. We had spent hours talking about it.

We headed out and of course realized “too far into the trip” that Luba forgot his passport at home. We called to make sure that we could use an alternate ID since he had his driver license from South Africa. We first headed out to get our marriage license once we reached Vegas. It was quite the fiasco with no passport because his driver license listed his first 2 initials and last name. On November 9, I was set to marry “Li Mntanga.” Birds weren’t chirping at this moment as I realized this would not fare well with our paperwork. This process requires one to be meticulous and each detail must be perfect and triple checked and matched to other documents. It requires one to be OCD to the –nth degree. I recited like a crazy person: Oh God help me. Just move on. Just enjoy and do damage control after the fact. “Li” is probably wonderful too.

We had friends meeting us in Vegas at the hotel. We had a fabulous suite waiting for us at the Hard Rock Hotel (thanks again, AB!). We lunched, walked, and wasted time as we waited for the room to be ready. What was taking it so long?!?!?  I swear we spent half a day hanging at the reception area.

We didn’t have time to check in at this point before we’d have to be ready to leave so we got ready at a friend’s room. Can you feel my stress level rising?! I’m having heart palpitations as I recall all this. We met the gang downstairs at the lobby where the limo was waiting. It was on!

We all piled in and headed to the little white chapel. We pulled in behind another limo finishing up. I could see the “menu” on my left. I only had nervous giggles. I applied more MAC red lipgloss. What else could a girl do?

Finally, it was our turn. I was given my bouquet. I was surprised at how lovely the flowers were. We had a pastor come to the window and greet us—this meant a lot to me, not just any officiant. The photographer climbed in the car with us to capture the moments before and during the ceremony. It was short. She gave a little blurb, which I recall being nice but couldn’t tell you one thing she said. We said the standard vows. We didn’t exchange rings. I wanted to save this for our ceremony with friends and family.

Afterward, we got out and took some pictures at the chapel before heading back to the hotel for our drop-off. We were dropped off at the Palazzo for a dinner reservation at Table 10. This Emeril Lagasse restaurant is Cajun themed so it was a perfect place to celebrate as our “real” wedding would be in New Orleans. After dinner, we walked around to show Luba Vegas and then headed back to our suite, where the action ensued. No, not that action….BUT there was some mean dancing skills being showcased there that night!

BUT, walking in to the room was a fun surprise! While the room had been delayed, Candice & Kerrie Ann were able to sneak in first for some decorating. Turns out, I barely missed them at the Hard Rock when we were walking around. Apparently, April had redirected us walking when she spotted them around the lobby. We walked in to balloons, chilled champagne (ordered to be waiting from my friend Jody), bundtinis (my fave dessert), and gifts. It was a perfect night. We revived classic booty music hip hop songs. I laughed until I cried. We’ll all remember my new husband trying owning “the worm” on the floor.

The rest is history – and well, because – what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

Here are some pictures from the night. Oh and remember that lip gloss I liberally applied in nervousness? My all-time favorite pictures are the ones where Luba’s actually wearing it after the kiss that sealed the deal. And, look how it's all over my lips! Enjoy!

Love,

Danielle, the Mrs.

P.S. When we got back, we were able to show the passport and get the name corrected. Phew! But, I did enjoy that rendezvous with Li.

Good-bye 2013, Hello 2014!

Happy New Year!

To say this post is overdue is an understatement. The last few months have been a blur full of joy, chaos, discomfort, and any other emotion on the spectrum that you can imagine. Today is the first weekend that I have been able to sit and just breathe. 

I last left off at the time Luba departed Cape Town in October. You can catch up on that post here. Well, obviously, he made it. I didn't download any app at all that would allow me to stalk him in air or anything.....

I write this from a table scattered with evidence of intended planning, together, for 2014: various lists, drafted budgets, bills to organize into schedules, etc. The table is overflowing with life. 

What happened in 2013?

Well, one thing for sure, it was slam full of the highest highs and lowest lows I have ever known. Break, please? Thanks!

Here are a few highlights but pardon the lack of chronological order...I'm lucky to get this recap on here. 

Luba and I started the visa paperwork in late January. It was/is a journey of faith. We saw many heartbreaks and delays but were comforted and overwhelmed by miracles. The provision for us still takes my breath away. For much of the time, he did not have Skype, so yes friends, we were OLD school style. REAL letters went back and forth as well as emails and instant messaging. Thank God for technology.

I celebrated my 3#th birthday in June with friends in downtown Orange. We hopped from "establishment" to "establishment" while sipping, grubbing, laughing, and playing photo hunt. 

Luba said good-bye to family, friends, and life in South Africa on October 23.

After Luba’s arrival on October 24, we immediately began looking for a place to live. We needed our own space, and I had waited until he got here so that we would be finding a spot we both liked, hashing out space between both of us instead of him fitting into my tiny space that I carved out, etc. We found a place in Huntington Beach. I was reminded how much I hate moving and home hunting. On a whim, I drove behind my work and found a 2B/2B place that fit us perfectly. I can walk to work. I can WALK the whole .1 mile to work!!! This savings on gas helps since the place was more than expected budget-wise. I feel like this was the spot that was meant to be ours for a lot of reasons already and some premonition for the upcoming months. We hope this becomes a spot where friends easily flow in and out. We will slowly add the items we want, but we have what we need so we are open for business! Luba has been able to catch up with a couple special people already:

I launched a new ministry called Bread and Wine, after the book by Shauna Niequist. We are finishing up our last meeting for this season on January 11. You can read more about the thoughts on this vision here and there. I plan to follow up with a 2^nd group this Spring and already have most of the group filled after a launch a couple weeks ago at NewSong.

Luba and I went to St. Louis for Thanksgiving. We stayed with my sister and my mother drove up from MS so he met my sister & family and my mother for the first time. As you can see, my nephew Max had his own plans for him....

 

A few weeks later we flew to Mississippi for 10 days for Christmas. At that time, he was able to meet my father and spend more time with my mother. We ate and sat a LOT. The trip was very relaxing for me! Who can beat rain, porch swings, good food, slow pace, and Mama's TLC?!

I completed all of my classes for my BCBA (Board Certified Behavior Analysis) program! Because my last class landed right in the middle of Luba’s arrival and moving, I juuuuuuuust slid by and passed (most appreciated 2 points of my life). At that point in survival mode, passing was all I desired. Once I complete the 1500 hours of fieldwork, I’ll be eligible to sit for the board exam. I’m at ~1300 now and can see the light.

I ended the year with my "Culinary Cuties" group with a gondola ride through the Naples canals in Long Beach. 2014 marks our 3rd year cooking and eating together monthly!

Luba and I also submitted our visa packet (another paper pile…another check) right before heading to MS. What a huge weight lifted! It took hours, numerous drops of tears & sweat, tons of ink and paper, and a lot of dollars but it’s there now where it needs to be, well within the 90-day time frame, so that they can adjust his status to remain here. 

OH! We also had our first Christmas card:

I feel like the end of the year found me in sheer survival mode due to other issues that I’m sure I’ll blog later, but nonetheless, I survived. 

I learned a lot. 

I rejoiced a lot. 

I cried a lot. 
I laughed a whole lot.

I experienced miracles. 

I’ve lived within the constraints of many time frames and from one “step” to another. 2013 ended much differently than it began and put me in an interesting starting position for 2014.

More to come friends….

Wishing you much love & life this year,

Danielle 

PS: What was the most viewed blog post last year?!?! It was almost a tie between #1 (click here) and #2 (click here)!

The other side of gaining

Today, as I celebrate an answer to prayers, a substantial “gain” in my life, I am reminded of loss. Today, Luba left South Africa to come to the United States. I am stoked. I am thankful. Our dream has been realized. I am excitingly nervous. I am happy, really happy. This. Is. It. At the same time, I am sad. I am heartbroken in a way that cannot be described, but this heartbreak is not even a sliver of what his family feels. 

Today, I am reminded that gain is usually accompanied by some sort of loss. 

Throughout this process, I have tried to remind myself each time that I’ve celebrated steps and counted down days that I must honor the sacrifice of both Luba and his family. I’m going to be totally honest, in the beginning of this process I focused on my losses. It was all I knew. I’ve been in survival mode on my own for years. I borrowed loss from the future and neglected the present and more important, intangible and irreplaceable losses from him and his loved ones. I remember the day that it hit me in the gut, one of those powerful gut kicks from God. I was leaving my financial class at NewSong and thinking of the financial turmoil I felt myself walking into and the weight of becoming the “breadwinner.” Albeit temporary, I thought of what I would exclude from my budget that I loved. Would I give up the cute toe designs? I truly love them. They are my splurge and my 1 ounce of “girly-ness.” When I have children, will I be unable to work part-time or more so not have the choice? Would we have to have meatless dinners? The list of “what ifs” moved to the forefront replacing all the beauty and gifts I would gain with this relationship. Suddenly, I felt God say “Hey Selfish, wanna practice for marriage and actually start thinking about someone else?!?!” Images suddenly began rolling through my head, one after the other. A lot of those images were faces-his parents, his nephew. Luba’s face was there. I heard laughter from a boisterous close community. I heard songs in Xhosa that I knew from Sundays at Harvester Church where his dad pastors. The difference was that all of those things, people, places, identity, beloved country, culture, and friends were irreplaceable like my pedicure, groceries, money, etc. It was at that moment that I began to understand the depth of Luba’s future loss and his sacrifice so that I would gain, so that we would gain. I felt such shame. How had I missed something so simple? I knew that it was a wakeup call to do things as right as I consciously could until his arrival [which will continue after]. I began to seek out those who have immigrated here, especially those with a similar visa journey, for input on how to best make a house a home, how to keep reminders, etc. 

A shift started that day in my thinking and feeling. I’ve pursued that shift and continue to do so in order to be better prepared when he is here. I know I’ll mess up at times, but I’m committed to being conscientious. I was reminded that God has taken care of Luba to this point and will continue to do so. I assigned myself as “breadwinner.” I put on that weight I carried, no one else. I trusted God with the “big stuff” [which he answered in miracle after miracle] but I put myself back in control with the small details that I then let override the big. I had been my biggest obstacle. 

So today, I celebrate and look forward to the hugest exhalation I’ve ever produced once he shows up at LAX [tomorrow]. He has never been here and this will be my first time on this side of international arrivals. But today, I also mourn his departure with his family and for him. My promise to them is that I will do my very best and all that is in my power to maintain the connections. We will be and will lead a family by faith and trust in God. I’m committed to building a bridge between the two countries and incorporating South Africa into all possible. 

Nosipho & Mqokeleli (and the rest of the family), thank you for this precious gift and your sacrifice.

Love,

Danielle