Keeping Up With This Jones: birth

This is long overdue, but what can I say, I have ~~a newborn~~ an infant. Some could even say, a new “boss.” I’ve meant to blog the birth story because so many have asked and it’s easier to post here (and I can slurp all these posts into a book for her).

I posted this bitmoji on the morning that I went into labor not realizing what the rest of the day would bring. Perfect.

On a Thursday morning, I had my usual weekly appointment at the OB. There was nothing happening- no dilation. She had not made her descent at all and was still comfortably nestled up high. There were no signs of labor. I headed on in to the office for the workday. I had a million things to do as I wrapped up all my maternity leave prep. On the way from the doctor to work, I just didn’t want to go stand in the sandwich shop in the busy lunch hour and wait so laziness and the convenience of delivery took over (Thank God). I ordered my Italian beef sandwich to be delivered from Pickleman’s and got busy. Less than half an hour later, the front desk staff called to say my delivery was there. I stood up and felt something. Was that my “water breaking?!” I was frozen. It kept going as I stood there. So many thoughts erupted. Was I peeing on myself? Usually, only a little comes out during laughing or sneezing events, right? Wait, it’s still coming. What about my sandwich? The delivery guy is waiting. Do I tell my coworker? I have plenty of time to do things right? I mean, she was just way up there. How fast could she get down and out?

I decided to go get my sandwich. I walked to the front and crossed my legs tight at the ankles as I stood to sign the credit card slip. I did not make eye contact with anyone as I scurried. I prayed for no stall, no quick chats with co-workers. I went back and put my sandwich down. Now what do I do? I told my coworker, “I think my water broke.” She then advised me not to eat the sandwich yet. I decided to go to the restroom to double check and make sure it wasn't a false alarm. I went to the bathroom. That for sure was what I thought it was. My water had broken. I just left the doctor with no baby in sight - how does this happen!? I went back to my desk and packed up my computer and gave my practicum student some materials and final instructions for our client the next day. I then got in the car and headed out. I called the doctor’s office to let them know my water broke as instructed to do at the end of every previous visit for weeks.

When I called the doctor, they asked me if I had someone to drive me. Our conversation went like this after I convinced there that, no, I had not wet myself:

Nurse: Do you have someone to drive you?

Me: not right now.

Nurse: You can’t drive yourself. Find someone to bring you.

Me: Well, I can wait 30 minutes or so to find someone to drive me and come, or I can be there in 10 minutes. I’m 2 exits away and in the car already.

Nurse: Come straight here. I’ll call ahead and tell them you’re on your way.

When I got on the highway, all “hail” broke loose. The hail storm started and I thought my windshield was going to break. This slowed down my speed but I made it quickly. I knew I would have reserved maternity parking as shown to us during our hospital tour. Of course, all the spots were taken as were every other spot in the parking structure. I started to panic. I tried to find valet but couldn’t. I was driving all over through open parking lots and the structure. Finally, I found one spot on the top of the structure. I parked and trudged through the rain. Then, I felt it again. I had no idea your “water” never stops. I was leaking everywhere and being rained on as I tried to figure out where the exit was to get to the elevator to go down to the first level and into the maternity center.

Someone hawking for parking asked me if I was leaving. When I told her that my water had broken and I couldn’t figure out how to get down to the first level, she went in full mama mode. She made sure she pointed me in the right direction, yelled Good Luck and drove off. I think I was in shock, still. Was this really happening?

I checked in so they could determine if I was staying. Okay, now this amniotic fluid deal is getting annoying. Why can’t it stop?!?! The nurse and midwife came in to let me know I was having a baby and to go ahead and call my husband to come in and that they were preparing a labor and delivery suite to send me to. My sister had already been prepared to bring Luba and was waiting on word that I would be staying.

My sister and Luba came and we all made it to the suite. The suites at this hospital are huge and so nice. The goal is to labor in there, deliver and stay a couple hours after birth until transferring to another room. Long story short, I kept getting checked and no dilation, still. Pitocin was started and I endured the checks that never really yielded new information (least fave part to this point). No more dilation. It was going to be a long day. Since it was so early and I knew the labor phase would be long, I sent a hungry Luba out to the car for my sandwich and work computer. He ate the Italian beef sandwich I had ordered, and I worked.

The doctor on call had come in and let me know that no baby would be expected before morning (8-9am) the next day. I had some contractions but didn’t really feel them. The hours blurred together until the next day. At some point in the night, I asked for my epidural. It wasn’t so much for the pain which wasn’t that intense but for the amniotic fluid. Did I mention it never stops?! I was so exhausted from going to the bathroom to put a fresh ~~pad~~ diaper on and then back only to need a new one. I’d rather just not feel it anymore or be cognizant of sitting in it. The epidural was nothing like I had imagined in my head all these years. I didn’t expect, however, to have my bed cranked up like a car at the mechanic.

On Friday the next day around mid-day, I had asked for a C-section due to a migraine that I had struggled with on and off for weeks. I was tired. My head was pounding, and I couldn’t take anything that would work due to pregnancy. I did not want to push and then go to a C-section. There was no real progress with labor. My doctor was the one on call Friday and I could not have been more relieved! I’ve loved her calm quiet kind personality from the beginning and it’s a perfect match to my anxious one. I knew she was exactly the person I would want in case of emergency or a sudden change of plans. I started to progress at the last minute and was ready to push within a short time. I was convinced then after a conversation with her that I should go ahead and try pushing. My words to her were “I don’t want to push for two hours and then have a section.” Because the baby was early and small and I was ready, I gave a vaginal delivery a shot. Guess what happened next…

I pushed for 2 hours and then a C-section was recommended.

The C-section was not what I had anticipated. The anesthesiologist came in to beef things up. That needle scratch test? Whatever. I failed it. With each “do you feel that?” I said yes. Then, he would clarify, “you feel a sensation or you feel pain?” Again, the next time, I would say “I feel it.” We did the cat-chasing-its-tail thing for a while and then he said Dr. Shores would do it again in the room. By the time we left the L & D suite, I was shaking. It was violent by the time I made it to the OR. What the heck was that? I guess anesthesia does that to some unlucky people, per the nurse. I did not expect that skinny table shaped like the crucifix. I was so worried they were going to drop me during the transfer from my wide bed to the skinny table. Then, I couldn’t keep my arms on the table due to shaking so I had to have them held down. It all started out okay (minus the shakes), and then it wasn’t. I was over it. My head still hurt. What the heck was taking so long?! The baby came, and I want to say that I was overwhelmed with emotion and took one of those happy family pictures where the dad is hovering next to the crying mom’s head. You know the one… you can see the curtain blocking your view from your guts? I knew she would be well taken care of and be with her dad so I took a glance and went back to groaning.

We became "three" at 3:55pm. She weighed 6 pounds 10 ounces.

At this point, I began to say “I’m all done” and “please hurry up” and “I can’t do this anymore.” I was aware of how grateful I was to have my doctor doing this surgery. She calmly told me that my uterus was bleeding more than it was supposed to and it was “very tired” like she warned me pres-section after all that pushing and that she was trying to stop the bleeding. More drugs came. Then, I felt the nausea hit and the dry heaving began. The anesthesiologist held the tiny kidney shape bowl by my head. After repeatedly telling him not to remove the bowl because I was sure something was on its way, I puked sideways praying it all fit into that bowl. Who knew you could vomit with your head turned to the side like a scene from The Exorcist?

Meanwhile, this was all happening:

Finally, it all finished and I was sewn up. Holy smokes did it feel like I was going to have my skin ripped off during that pull.

After the C-section, I started to feel alive again in recovery. I had the blanket that allows warm air to be blown under which helped with the shakes. They were the worst part of the whole process. It was then that they brought Eden in and bathed her and gave her to me. Now, we got our first picture as a family.

Below is my favorite picture of her. She’s snuggled in against me in recovery, and I could finally focus on all of her and really take her in. She was the most beautiful thing, and she was ours. This was my magical moment.

We spent the next 3 full days in the hospital hunkering down as a family of 3. Those were hard days but oh-so-good days. It was such a struggle dealing with the emotions that come as a new parent. Guilt over some small decision sets in immediately doesn’t it? I felt like I had to stifle some of the emotion, and I couldn’t get into a deep conversation with Luba because a nurse would be in at any moment to give meds or another person would check vitals. I had lost it a few times but got it together for fear of exposure or then having to discuss emotion with a stranger (nurse) when I needed to process it first. Everything felt abnormal although the roller coaster of emotions is normal (I know this cognitively).

We took the full time allowed in the hospital, and I’m so glad we did. These were some of the funniest times we have had too. If you’ve had a baby, then you can imagine the moments I’m talking about – those post-baby “body” moments. I savored every moment from the raw painful ones to the bending-over-crying to the what-just-came-out-of-my-body-and-can-you-pick-that-up moments.

We had a few visitors in the hospital too!