For those of you that know me, you know I am not afraid to
eat alone, or do coffee alone, or watch a movie alone. For this reason alone,
I’m on a pedestal, high up, with some supernatural form of courage running
through my veins. Well, my friend, this too can be you. Actually, many have
asked me how I got brave enough to do things like this on my own so I thought
I’d share it.
I wish I could say that it came easily or out of my own
desire, but it didn’t. It really came out of necessity and the decision to
prioritize myself in the right pecking order, as #1. Having been single for a
long time, there have been opportunities I would have missed out on had I sat
at home lamenting over the friends who were unavailable because they had other
plans or didn’t want to go. I work hard, REALLY hard. I rise early. I covet my
early morning quiet time focusing on nothing more than what’s running through
my head, soul and heart. I refuse to interrupt those thoughts with mundane
tasks when they are flowing because they are important to me as well as my
emotional and spiritual health. Often I would much rather go have breakfast
somewhere so that I do not have to divide my attention and cook for myself.
Because I work hard, I do not feel badly about this minor expense at all. Since
I’m awake when many are sleeping in, then I go alone. I’ve grown to covet these
times way more than anything else and now I would rarely include another person
in these intimate moments. I love the stillness of morning and all the sounds
and smells it brings. It is sacred. At this point in my progression in
independence, you will find me at any time lined up at the bar at Mimi’s with
all the other “older” men and women who just no longer “give a [insert favorite
expletive here].”
I thought of some easy steps to get you to eating alone and
loving it! Note that this is not necessarily for the “single” but also for the “married
with kids and need a break” or “married and need alone time” individual as
well.
Firstly, change the way you see yourself. Need some help?
Visit one of my previous posts on this HERE. YOU, beloved, are
important. If you are not seeing yourself as your most prized possession, then
you are missing out. Once you see
yourself the way you should, then you won’t care about what others think. Worrying
about what others think is actually the biggest deterrent to many going women
going places alone. Sad. Decide you will do this, for yourself, your sanity,
for the sake of others who benefit from you emotional health. I’m not married
or married with kids yet, but I know that when I am there, I will long for
“alone time.” I know I will want some time to hear the clatter of dishes or
hums of computers of bloggers at a coffee shop rather than Bubble Guppies,
Barney, Mickey, and various other characters shows I do not yet understand.
Know that others really don’t think of you as often as you
think! This one statement has changed my perspective in a lot of circumstances
when I became worried about what others are thinking, would think, etc. What a
narcissistic point of view—thinking that others are really paying attention to
what I’m doing and spending their precious moments discussing it? Pfffft. If they do discuss something, I’m sure it’s a
few minutes and then they move on to something more exciting. If for some
reason, they do discuss my party of 1 and dwell on it, I can smile knowing that
they are having the best conversation of their day.
Once you have your mind in check: Stake out the place you
want to go. Begin with a place that is frequented by travelers. Maybe by the
airport? You are usually safe at one of the spots because there will be other
“parties of 1.” I always suggest starting with drinking alone at a bar first to
ease in. Do not confuse this with “drinking alone on a daily basis.” This
scenario lends itself to many opportunities…..or including “chickening out”
should that happen [NO!]. You can
saunter in and scope out the bar for available seats in which you would feel
comfortable by telling the hostess something like “I’m checking to see if my
friend is at the bar” or “I may just grab a drink at the bar before meeting my
friend for dinner.” Now, you have a lot of options. If you can’t find a seat,
then you can either leave “Oh I didn’t see her/him so I’ll head out” or “I
didn’t see a spot open so can I grab a drink at a table?” If you get seated, then you can use a
disclaimer or not. You can also then “decide” to grab a snack since you’re
there “wasting time” anyway. Congratulations -you’ve just taken a giant step to
earning your pair of cojones.
Still scared? Take a prop. Bring your iPad or laptop. Bring a book. Bring
your ladies bible study homework. Open an academic textbook [who cares if you last
opened it before graduation 7 years ago?] Lay it on the table. Suddenly, there’s
a purpose to sitting alone.
It’s time: party of 1 for breakfast/lunch/dinner. For
beginners, I always recommend breakfast since its less busy and “people you’d
worry are looking at you” are most likely still sleeping. People roll out of
bed to go to breakfast. They don’t generally look cute. No judgment here
friends. Breakfast is golden. Listen to
the sounds and enjoy them. Your food suddenly tastes so different when your
other senses shut down.
So, do this for yourself. Oh, and let me know how it goes.
Buddy up, even, and have another friend who is “becoming
more courageous” sit alone at another table nearby or at the other end of the
bar.
Side note: singles, you may get yourself some quiet time AND
a date…just saying.
Be fierce,
Danielle
