I cannot believe that Eden is already 9 months old- almost 10 months! Time does fly when you're having fun. We are marveling at her growth and development. She is passing through such a fun stage in development where she is engaging with us and moving around. She's a fast roller - she rolls all over the place (crawl, baby Girl, crawl). She is sweet and happy.
Because she is progressing in her development, she tries so many more things and gets so mad when she is unable to do something quickly. She spots so many shiny or forbidden things that are just out of reach. I watch her move her body and reach as far as she can to grasp things that she wants but they are just out of reach or she accidentally pushes them further away. She gets so mad and seems so helpless. It's hard to watch because I want to swoop in and hand her what she wants or push her along, but she needs to do this on her own for her own development and success. I wish she could see "it's right there....she's almost got it!" She's unable to see the smallest yet most significant growth as her movements progress and develop. I can see that she is on the cusp, but I'm sure she only feels the disappointment and vision of something just out of reach. She's going to be so happy when she does get it. If I hand it over so easily, she misses growth and satisfaction with her success. One day, she will have no recollection of this struggle. Like all of, she will throw her head back and laugh as we regale her with stories of her babyhood.
As I've sat back and watched this failed attempt so many times, I've been reminded of my own struggles. This move has been hard. Assimilation into our new city has only been slightly successful, from our perspectives. It does not yet feel like home. So many days end with, "What are we doing here?" We have so many goals that now feel unreachable. I feel like I'm always grasping for ideas or dreams that are just beyond reach or slip from my touch. I've had some really hard days, and it would be safe to say that the dark days far outnumber the good ones.
The other day as I watched Eden struggle, I was reminded of how hard it must be for a Heavenly Father to sit back and watch our struggles. It's really the same, isn't it? Our intents our known. Our struggles are acknowledged. The unattainable or slipped dream is painful. All along the way though, He has a view of what is ahead - our growth, our successes, our dreams realized, the happiness of a dream grasped. We can't see these small, yet significant, steps. But, He can. I imagine He is cheering me on as I blindly move in the direction I need to go, unable to see my growth sometimes due to the darkness or misfocus. So, I press on with faith that I'm closer and where I need to be at the moment. In due time, I'll by-products of faith and hope will be within reach, within my grasp, and tangible.
I've found hope in the day-to-day acts of mothering and watching Eden grow. I've learned, and continue to learn, so many lessons in the stillness of night in the wee hours or the struggle of "step in vs. step back."
I think that parenting has given me, and other men and women, a whole different dimension in their spirituality.
I will filled with hope this weekend as she finally moved forward in crawling. It's happening!
Now, excuse me while I go baby-proof the house and install plugs in all the outlets!
With hope for us all,
Danielle
