Merriest Christmas!

Before signing off for 2011 and heading home to Mississippi, I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas!

This is my favorite time of the year!

I love the holidays in that they remind us of how we should live daily and provides opportunities to spend more time with friends and family. While Christmas is a joyous time as many of us celebrate the birth of Jesus, it is also a reminder of the brevity of life. While we celebrate His birth, we all know the rest of the story. While many of us celebrate the joy in the season, others mourn. This could be the first holiday without a loved one, a reminder of a desire for family for many orphans and foster children across the globe, and bittersweet opportunities to make memories for sick loved ones.

If you know me I live life as if there’s no tomorrow because frankly, we aren’t promised it—I drink my special wine with special friends in lieu of “saving it,” I give items away, and I am constantly seizing the moments that others may save for a future date. Some have looked appalled when I say “I may be dead this time next year.” Okay, not the best wording for some but evidence that I’m living life to the fullest. For those that know me (and not even that well), you know I focus on the details more than the big picture. For me, love lies in the details and when it comes together the big picture is beautiful, even if messy in the process. With the ever-increasing chaos of the American Christmas, I’ve been trying to focus on the small blessings and details in life that make the days special.

Here are a few that have come to mind:

• Enjoying laughter with girlfriends over for one of my home-cooked meals
• Long hot bubble baths with a gossip magazine
• Saying things because you mean them, not worrying about what others think or social expectancies
• Snuggling with my babies at work especially when the one I call “Roo” wants to just hold hands (with interlocking fingers, the best kind)
• Impromptu lunch/dinner dates
• Drinking coffee and blogging with nowhere to be
• Turning on the faucet whenever I need/want while knowing many friends around the world don’t have clean water to sustain health and daily activities
• Sleeping in
• An unexpected smile or comment from a stranger
• Good wine and moments wine tasting
• Getting air mail from my sponsored child in Malawi--is she as excited to get mail and packages from me as I am from her?

I’ll leave you with a few faces that make this season all the more joyous.

Remember to keep a mental count of the little things all year round and give, give, give!

All the best for this holiday season and looking forward to 2012,

Danielle

Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. –James 4:14

Remembering the Best Christmas Gift...

What has been your best Christmas gift so far?

To date, mine has been a hope chest that an old boyfriend made for me. It is a beautiful chest made of cedar and holds remnants of my past and manifestations of hope for what will be fulfilled in the future. I am a softie on the inside (I know, the exterior can be gruff) and treasure tokens of sentiment—hand written cards, unexpected or hand-made gifts, kind words, etc. I loved that he spent the time and energy to plan and build this gift. He probably has no idea how much that meant and still means to me. Well, he will when this post goes public….

Today, an appreciation for another gift came to mind as I sat in church service trying to find healing for a week of wounds. This gift should have always been in the forefront of my mind having had 34 Christmases thus far but it hasn’t struck me as much until this year. I’m most thankful for the gift of salvation which allows me my personal relationship with God.

A couple weeks ago, the verse Exodus 14:14 came to mind which says: The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. I thought it was in relation to something that had happened that week, not realizing it would be something I needed to hear in the week to come.

I know you know this kind of week that I had last week. It wasn’t just one thing or person that caused devastation but it was the daily disappointments that confounded thoughts that swirled in my mind about not being good enough, not deserving specific things, or feeling that when things are too good to be true they are. Every day made me grow more and more disheartened. Disappointment quickly turned into anger and I began to just “lose my religion” (remember that phrase?!) and just start asking a million and one WHYs and a few “Where are you Gods?”

I was reminded that I cannot “lose my religion” and saw the gift of salvation through different eyes. When I was younger, I saw God as something to fear—hence my weekly reciting the sinner’s prayer “just in case” and avoiding questioning the way things are out loud. The God I’ve met during adulthood when I came into my own faith is one who allows me to question and reminds me that I will not lose that gift of salvation. I know that even though I shook my fist in the air and questioned, God never left my side during that week and won’t in any other week. In fact, I’m sure he chuckled at my spiking levels of immaturity and nearsightedness. Although I see it as still being written, my story was written long ago. Because he made me a Type-A worrier oh-so-impatient control freak, he knows I constantly want to read ahead into the next chapter or peek toward the end—so of course he understands my humanness and would never punish me for it. My visual representation tends to be me walking alongside a father figure—sometimes I’m walking next to him and happily chatting, sometimes I’m mad and sullen and refuse to talk but still see him quietly walking beside me giving me my space to feel various emotions, and sometimes I see myself running ahead (we know how that story ends—usually a trip or two).

There’s a song by Audrey Assad that fits the mood quite nicely. She beautifully illustrates redemptive suffering and pain and how sometimes you have to just be in the pain because it has a purpose and that you just want God to be with you. Here’s a link to Youtube for the song and lyrics. It’s worth hearing for sure so go on ahead right now and click here to listen!

Back to Exodus 14:14, here’s how one commentary (Matthew Henry) describes it: “It is always our duty and interest, when we cannot get out of troubles, yet to get above our fears; let them quicken our prayers and endeavors, but not silence our faith and hope. Stand still, think not to save yourselves either by fighting or flying; wait God's orders, and observe them. Compose yourselves, by confidence in God, into peaceful thoughts of the great salvation God is about to work for you. If God brings his people into straits, he will find a way to bring them out.”

And so I wait, but with a greater appreciation of a very special gift this holiday season.

A side note:

Of course, I was reminded of the gift of friendship and community throughout the entire time as close friends listened to me complain, say really stupid and asinine things, and question things that seem really insignificant (but thankfully didn’t remind me of that). A huge shout-out to this 4-some:

• 1) Amanda who never looked irritated each time to on her door at work to ask yet another “Do you think x, y, z?” and checked in often during the day
• 2) Xuyen who agreed to eat or Shik Do Rak however many times I needed comfort food and as always indulged me some very candid discussions about the stupid things I’ve done in the most laughable way
• 3) Jenn L. who was always available on G-chat for my rambling and eager to make a plan to kick some ass
• 4) Brittany, who responded to all my frantic emails from Alabama (Wella Warthog loves Brinny Bear). I thank God that she is on the other side of the nation and is time zones ahead of CA so that I had messages of cheer or encouragement when I woke up.

Because I love pictures, here are some pictures of people who represent blessings & gifts God has given me. Friends make the holiday special.

Am I moving to Austin?? Find out here!

Where does God meet you?

For me, it tends to be in the most random of places. Like this one recent meeting place..check it out....

It was in the exercise room in my hotel in Austin. Maybe it was because I summoned him so many times while on the elliptical at a level past where I had any business being? At any rate, it was the unlikeliest of places but perfect. But, isn’t that how it always is?

Some of you know that I have been interviewing some in Austin, considering a relocation. (For those of you who didn’t know, sorry! I didn’t want everyone all up in arms until it was necessary) I was in Austin for my second interview at a place that seemed promising. I was excited about the possibility of living closer to home where my parents could easily drive and visit and being back on Southern ground (while in a more liberal spot). I had become very excited about the possibilities even though I dreaded change. Austin for some reason crept up around the time I went to Idaho and there were several strange coincidences that led me to believe I should research. For a while, I had felt that was some sort of urging taking place for a change though I wasn’t quite sure what it was. I just knew I’d be ready and obedient. My first interview fell through, which in hindsight was for the best. I flew out Friday (um, wake-up call 2:45am to be out of LAX by 6:20am!!) to meet with this new clinic after having had some phone interviews already. The clinic was very comfortable and nice and I knew I could easily fit in there. As much as I loved it, something didn’t “sit right” with me.

I was exhausted that night and slept longer than I’ve slept in a while! I woke up emotional from a dream that was very interesting. Many of you know how crazy my “Dream World” is. I have been struggling emotionally with a difficult situation for a while and in my dream, things went the way I’d hoped but they were not for the best. More emotions and pain surfaced and I actually woke up crying. When I realized it was a dream, I knew it wasn’t just a dream. I had this sense of healing and renewal that I’ve been searching for for a long time. But, my day wasn’t over yet....more goodness was to come. 

It was raining out, and I love the rain, so I stayed in all day resting, watching TV, and napping. I felt guilty so I grabbed the iPod and headed to the hotel exercise room. I hurt myself on the elliptical and then decided to do a quickie cool-down on the treadmill. I put on some of my low-key music and hopped on, and then the most beautiful silent conversation began. I realized my 5-minute intention had lasted 40 minutes at which time I began to feel my legs again. 

On Orphan Sunday (November 6) at our church, adoption moved from the back burner of my mind to the front. I’m not sure how I’d been given this desire at a young age growing up in a small town knowing no one who had been involved in international adoption, but it has always been there. The seed has been nourished and has blossomed since attending NewSong and visiting Africa. I’ve seen the need of orphaned children and have been surrounded by a community of people who love them as much as I do. On that day, I took a personal bold step and began to pray for the child that would someday call my home “home.”

I’ve been talking to my parents and weighing the options of going versus staying. They are very supportive either way. My dad always encourages and supports, simply saying “you will make the right decision.” Will I? I told them I had started to think more seriously about adoption in the next couple years so I need to start laying the foundation for that now--paying off the rest of my school loans as much as I can and stashing money, researching, supporting other adoptive families, further building community, etc.

I was reminded of this on the treadmill. If God + I could have a convo, the script would have looked like this:

Me: high-5 for the dream last night. I’ve needed that. So, whats up with Austin? Why am I not feeling it? I’m obedient.

God: I appreciate it but its not time to go. I love that you follow and are willing to act.

Me: Does this have anything to do with November 6?

God: I can’t tell you specifics but follow what you are feeling.

Me: I am willing to adopt as a single but I’m still hoping for a man.

God: Trust me on that one.

Me: I’ve trusted for years but no one has showed up, but okay...

God: I appreciate your willingness to move but the time has passed and you should stay. Think not about what you don’t like, but focus for a minute on what you have. What is in your hand?

Suddenly, I looked past the things I didn’t like about Orange County. I’ve always loved my job but I haven’t enjoyed living in OC as much as LA. People’s faces kept flashing up in my mind and I could see all the community I’ve built at NewSong, with friends, online (adoptive families + single moms) and at work. These are people, that no matter how long I’ve known them or how well I know them, they have a similar heart and would walk the adoption journey with me, no matter single or married. 

I loved this clarity and peace so much that Sunday I returned for another “date” on the treadmill. At that point, I felt like God said “Remember reading The Alchemist? Well, you are Santiago” in regard to work and seeing why I put you there in 2004. You’ve been building your foundation for a while and can continue to do so. I never forget this but I thought over again how much I love my workplace, especially my employer. Where else would I find someone that would support me not just professionally but spiritually and personally? I love the ability to ask her to take off her “boss hat” and put on the “mom hat.”

In summary, what a weekend! It was not in the least how I expected. I came home with a new peace and excitement and was thrilled to be touching down in LAX to continue this adventure. What will unfold? I keep feeling like I’m on the cusp of something great.

A few of my favorite quotes from the Alchemist:

“What you still need to know is this: before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we’ve learned as we’ve moved toward that dream. That’s the point at which, as we say in the language of the desert, one ‘dies of thirst just when the palm trees have appeared on the horizon.’

“Every search begins with beginner’s luck. And every search ends with the victor’s being severely tested.”

"We are afraid of losing what we have, whether it's our life or our possessions and property. But this fear evaporates when we understand that our life stories and the history of the world were written by the same hand."

"And, when you want something, all the universe conspires to help you achieve it."