I started the University of South Alabama as a very
painfully shy tomboy. I was not really comfortable
in large crowds, especially crowds of women. I never spoke up or against the
crowd with my opinion. My opinion was saved for small groups of close friends
or family with which I felt comfortable and honestly knew would probably agree.
There was part of me that desired to be known. I wanted a large group of
friends. I wanted to be challenged. I wanted a “family.” I felt alone leaving a
tiny home town with only one high school entering into a huge “commuter” school
in a bigger city (“bigger” being only in comparison). Meeting people would be a
challenge especially with so many commuting.
I signed up for sorority “Rush.” Prior to it
beginning, I dropped out. Fear had set in and I questioned what I was doing.
Remember Danielle, large groups of women are bad news and too hard to get along
with, AND you know how the story goes…you “buy” friends. As I watched the
commotion during that week, I ached for the courage to shift my perspective,
see the fun, and join in. What did I really fear? Both my roommate and I had
both dropped out of Rush week. Shortly after, we got a knock on the door. We
opened it to find 2-3 girls from Alpha Omicron Pi with an invitation for us to
come back through in an “informal” Rush setting. Perfect! I hadn’t missed my
chance. We loved it. They were fun, zany, and smart. They were all so very very
different from one another.
Little did I know, the bond that 4 women created
and decided to share for generations in January 1897 would totally change me.
It would entice out me the person who had been in there, hiding, too scared to
fully come out for years. Those women,
in memory, would be the first to give me the voice I have now.
This blog came to mind when I ran across the
article “The Ten Reasons Why You Should Marry a Sorority Girl (Rebuttal) which
you can find linked here. It was a
rebuttal to “The Reasons Why You Never Want To Marry a Sorority Girl.” Of course, there are some ridiculous groups
out there who make a bad mark that unfortunately eclipses the whole, but isn’t
that the case in everything? I didn’t even read why NOT to marry a sorority
girl because one more opinion doesn’t matter to me. I know my experience, and I
know the difference it made.
Here’s what being a “sorority girl” taught me:
Respect
Nothing can be farther from the truth than the
statement that you “buy” your friends. Actually, I was not even friends with
every girl in the group. Some, I dare to say I did not "like" as I liked other girls. I did respect each one though. Although we
differed, we all fit the ideals set forth by the founders. Not one of us
deserved to be there more than another. I learned that you do not have to be
“same same” in everything with everyone but you must listen to her voice and
respect her thoughts and experiences. I learned to be as fair as possible.
Accountability
The group had rules established for our welfare
and the health of the organization. The by-laws were agreed upon
internationally. Sometimes, they were hard to follow. Sometimes, I didn’t
follow them. But, I learned to appreciate and understand accountability. We
were responsible for each other—academically, in education, and in health. At
parties, we roamed in pairs at least. We kept an eye on one another. When one
person needed it, we had hard conversations. We reported to each other and
those in leadership. Safety came first.
Difficult conversations have to happen, and happen well
To piggy back on the last part, I learned to have
conversations that were uncomfortable and that I did not “want” to have. As one
office (Chapter Relations) in the organization, I was responsible for ensuring
that safety standards were followed. If someone was unable to keep the academic
standards, drank irresponsibly, etc., then I would be the one to “hear” them
and help construct a plan that helped her. I had been entrusted to have these
conversations, and I did. Nothing has developed me more for leadership and
management in all spheres of my life as this role I held.
Confidentiality
One of the most important aspects of any
conversation, group, or leadership relationship is the ability to uphold
confidentiality. I learned this through our Ritual. Now, I know this sparks
some laughter. Really, there’s nothing hocus pocus or weird about what happened
in our Sundays when we held Ritual. However, I didn’t realize how important it
was. If the details leaked out, then I think people would be disappointed to learn
of the events and lack of excitement. To us, it made sense. It was something
that was passed on for years. It meant something different to each person.
Although not a “big deal” perhaps to some in the grand scheme of life, holding
a private moment private is. It’s not always about the content of the situation
but about the ability to honor it.
Philanthropy
Each fraternity and sorority supports an
organization. Ours is Arthritis Research. I learned serving here whether it was
through tangible work or fundraising. I also learned a respect for others’
philanthropies. I loved knowing that, internationally, our group was working
hard to support the same project and not offering a “piece meal” approach to
whichever group was hot at the moment.
Representation
It reminds me of something a friend’s mom used to
say when we got out of the car, “Remember who you are and who you represent.”
This followed me through years in the collegiate chapter. I knew that maybe
some behaviors wasn’t so appalling for me personally, but I could see the faces
of others who would find it “less than ideal.” I knew I represented them.
Whether right or wrong, others saw me first as an AOII then as Danielle. I feel
that is relevant as a Christian and an employee.
Leadership
I never would have imagined myself in two major
leadership positions. The confidence I needed came as the women voted me in to
those positions. With them came a lot of work and responsibility. Most moved me
from my comfort zone in row 2 slouched in my seat of meetings, slouched in my
seat, to the very front. I became comfortable not only with difficulty
conversations but managing time and networking with alumnae and other
collegiate chapters. I think that these positions made me the extremely
efficient “networker” I am today.
The Strength of a Bond
This “common bond” runs through each of us in this
organization despite location. It creates an openness, a common thread, a
reason to communicate, a propensity to help. I know when I moved to California,
I was used to this “family” and I craved a network to plug into so that I can
meet other women I connected with. I had since realized the importance of women
friends. The most assistance I got even before I left Mississippi was from AOII
alumnae chapters. I had offers for “day trips,” tours around the city, dinners
out, advice, info on the “lay of the land” in my new home in Hollywood, etc.
When I moved to Orange County from LA, the same hospitality was extended.
Although we don’t know each other, we “know” each other. I feel the same way
about Christian brothers and sisters across the world. We differ some in our
theology and opinions but the “oneness” is the same. We are bonded, thankfully
because of the sacrifice of another person.
These are just a few nuggets of the lessons I
learned during those 4 years. I’m glad that I have a much different personal
perspective than one often projected by those non-affiliated with an
organization or by those who sadly had a bad experience.
When you hear the stereotypes, think of me. I broke
them. I defied them. So did so many other women, no matter which “sorority” or
fraternal organization. I loved being in a women’s fraternity. It wasn’t a
place I expected to love, but I’m so grateful that we took a chance on each
other. I have no doubts that the voice that I have today started there.
Love,
Danielle
Pictures from waaaaaay back:
overflowing with the best memories
Still keeping in touch:
meeting up in Austin!
AOIIs in LA:
