We have just slid into our third trimester! Where did the 2nd one go - the glorious one where you finally start to feel better?! It was surely a busy one. This post will chronicle some of the events and highlights.
We had our first baby shower when we traveled back to Mississippi for Christmas. I had no idea how that event would make it all come alive and become more real. For the first trimester, I was so reserved. Because of my own risk factors, the risk of miscarriage was high so I was always hesitant to become excited. I prepared by making the registry but was always nervous that the use of these items may not come to fruition. I loved seeing all the clothes but it was hard to visualize that she would actually be in them at the end of the pregnancy. We were so excited yet apprehensive. I was scared to get too elated since the fall to despair would be too great. It definitely robbed us of some of the joy we should have experienced. Thankfully, trimester 2 helped recoup some of that. With each prenatal visit, I left with an "all clear" and textbook progression. The shower also opened the door to allow excitement and joy as I was surrounded by old friends and family. At that time, I needed that more than I even knew. I needed to be surrounded by "familiar," "long standing," and "home." My friends that came are friends that I've had since elementary school or shortly after, the friends that you pick up where you left off no matter how much time has passed. Family was there and long time family friends. Here are some pictures from the evening:
man, do I miss punch at a party! It had been so long since I had punch! No, it wasn't spiked, although the ducks sure made me wonder!
party favors
party favors
what a nice (& delicious) addition to Main Street, Lucedale!
fabulous and creative hostesses - I always say that love is in the details and these women poured it out! Everything was so personal.
the oldest of friends are the best of friends
THIS was such a sweet gift. My nephew's girlfriend, Layne, also became an AOII at the University of South Alabama where I was in the collegiate chapter. She looked for this book for me and was able to give me the copy that belonged to of one of our most beloved past international presidents who passed away recently from cancer (who was also from our same chapter).
and these onesies? AOII!
(found by Layne and actually made by my niece Channinge)
The Christmas story was so dear to my heart this year, with the main character of connection this year being Mary. Nestled within the excitement, hope, "long time coming" and "miraculous-ness" of the story is the apprehension, fear, and loneliness equally entwined in Mary. So many themes hit home - being a stranger in a place not known as home, feeling isolated, not having most of my "people," and feeling shortcomings of not being able to provide what I wanted for a baby in terms of resources. The birth story I began to imagine for myself wasn't what I was envisioning, as was the case in the Christmas story. Nonetheless, a bigger story is written, the story adds chapters despite our readiness, and good ensues. Things work out. We have enjoyed being close to family in St. Louis and it is a lifesaver. I wish we had lived closer, sooner. We enjoy our jobs and have met wonderful people and h have budding friendships. However, it does not yet feel like "home." There were so many dark nights of tears and loneliness as I just lamented over and over how much I wanted to be with my people, my California family. For a long time, I just detached. Building these relationships take time and energy, and I was just exhausted and depressed. Transitions are hard, especially during big events. It even makes my eyes spring a leak now as I think about the friends I had that became family. We just don't have that here, yet. I know, it takes years to build. I have great friends here I've met and I know would drop anything and help so I know we are on our way to making this place "home" but it doesn't eclipse the things and people we miss. Other logistics are hard here too that add to the frustration (like no disability for maternity leave...whatever America) and in turn adds to the feelings of inadequacy in bonding and provision as moms return to work too soon because the bills don't wait. It has been a very raw part of the pregnancy. We have done "pregnancy" things such as my glucose tolerance test, which I passed with flying colors.
I might have needed reminders to remember to drink it since it was mid-day
Luba actually left sticky notes all over the place, because one may not have been enough
We toured the maternity center at the hospital where I'll deliver. It's sooooooo nice. 
I even treated myself to a "pregnant party of 1" lunch of a lobster roll and root beer and then a prenatal massage.
We also unexpectedly found a new place to live. In the middle of feeling some negative emotions, God still works to line things up and bring that silver lining that you can't seem to find anywhere. Can I get a woot-woot or an amen on that one, sisters? Through a random Facebook connection I was able to find a daycare with immediate openings (I had been unsuccessful on my own or it was a bajillion dollars per week) and it's with a nearby church. We also had been unsuccessful looking for a place to move. Our lease is up all during time to deliver. Not good timing! I can't look, move and deliver in the same month. We had not had luck looking on search sites so on a whim, I checked Craigslist (not as common here as California). I found a place in Clayton (where we wanted to go for different reasons) for an unheard of price for the area. It had to be gross and small, right? The rent did not match the area at all. We were able to view it 2 days later and secured the apartment within 2 days. It was perfect for what we needed. The landlord is the nicest man and has worked with us allowing us to slowly move things in over this month without paying extra and starting rent payments. It has made it so much easier on me to deep clean and move little x little because my body is jacked. We will have 2 bedrooms and storage (currently, we have no storage and 1 bedroom).
this wasn't cutting it
I had been okay with not having a nursery because a baby doesn't need much space. I was so over, though, the question of "What about your nursery?" "Have you decorated the nursery?" "What is your color scheme?" I never considered a nursery and was totally fine, but now that we have it, it adds a new element of excitement. Also, we will be even closer to the daycare. And the best part? It's a street over from my sister and family. All we have to do is cut through the alley! We also know several families in the neighborhood. It's clean and safe and closer to work.
future nursery!
deep cleaning
We have been washing baby clothes and Luba and I both giggle at the size of them in the laundry basket. 
Okay, so can we talk about Luba for a second? This man is pumped. I never imagined being married to someone who was just as excited as me to peruse the baby clothes or relishes the sight of a pink tutu. Okay, break to look at these:
He is right in there with me with any decision or baby needs hunting expedition, right down to buying major size maxis or bed liners for after birth. He has been very patient and has picked up all the slack that I leave everywhere. He washes and folds these tiny clothes with so much care and excitement. It's hard to differentiate which one is more emotional or tender- thinking of becoming a mother or seeing him become a father. He was made for this.
It will also be so fun to see my local sister become an aunt to my own daughter (she's an aunt to other siblings and in-laws) and my niece and nephews have a baby to play with. For my brother and family in Mississippi, it'll be fun to see them again with a little one as those nephews and nieces are grown or almost grown!
Cravings? Give me all your donuts, cinnamon rolls and cheeseburgers and I'll take a root beer with it! Oh, and I've had a LOT of milk. I'm also lactose intolerant so that changes everything. Did I mention how patient and accommodating Luba is?
When women prep you for childbirth or the joys of pregnancy, why doesn't anyone lead with THESE necessary items? I bought them but I'm also scared of them and why they are needed.
I'm just gonna leave this here. I would laugh about it but I may pee a little.
Now, we are on our way in the third trimester and the countdown begins. 
I've started just excusing myself with "I'm sorry, I'm pregnant and I have no brain" and then moving on. No words have ever been truer.
So, in reading this post, if you spot any errors in spelling or grammar or if it just doesn't make sense, please remember that I am pregnant and have no brains or "give a damns" left in me right now.
Hopefully the next blog post comes out before the baby's 1st birthday!
Love,
Danielle
