Luba and I have
been church hunting here in St. Louis. One aspect of the church is a healthy
pastor relationship with his congregation. It’s led me to really think of what I appreciate in a
pastor. I no longer need a groundbreaking Sunday sermon. I used to, but I realized
I went in to Sunday with the wrong expectations.
I’ve thought about
how my perspective of pastors or preachers have changed over the years as I
have grown in my faith and that perspective also changed as I got out during
the week and USED that Sunday message. In those experiences, the message solidified
and were personalized.
I grew up in the
Southern Baptist Church. Jesus, to me, was "White" with long silky brown hair. He was so
fair and soft-skinned. He probably didn’t even need lotion. Pastors were men (35+
which was old at the time, right?) and Caucasian. They wore suits. They never drank
or seemed to have or be a lot of fun. They couldn’t make jokes lest they be offensive or misconstrued. They
were addressed as “Brother so-and-so.” They were married to a lovely woman who
kept the house, tended the kids and served tirelessly at church. She could also make a mean casserole. No
one taught me this and this certainly wasn't the way it was behind closed doors, but this is what I saw so it was what I knew to be true. I knew there were Black pastors but I had
never been to a Black church so it didn’t really impact my perspective.
This was my
perspective for the duration of my childhood and early adulthood.
I then started at
NewSong Church in Irvine, which was predominantly Asian. I met the lead pastor,
Dave Gibbons. He was half Korean (I initially questioned the “half” part).
Everyone called him Dave. I mean, to his face! Noone had warned him that he
needed his Sunday suit. When I met him, he introduced himself as “Dave.” Over
the course of the years, I became comfortable with saying “Hi Dave” to which he
would respond “Hi Danielle.” He wore jeans. He was hip. He was like a normal
person standing on stage. My brain that was filled with expectations and
perspectives and experiences melted. He admitted mistakes and fault. He looked
at his job as a shepherd, a coach. He challenged the church to even rid
themselves of “Sunday” and have church any time outside our building. He cried
on stage. I was not used to men showing emotions, much less the “pastor.” I
gasped to myself as I began to rebuild my thoughts on “pastor” from the
shattered pieces. Which ones fit? Which ones were to be thrown away?
I became close
with other pastors on the NewSong team. I had a glass of wine with one and a
beer with another. They joked. They laughed. They argued politely. For the first
time, a pastor talked with me, not at
me. For the first time, pastors encouraged me to ask the hard questions and for
the first time, I heard pastors answer with “I don’t know either.” I took off
the armor of behaviors and expectations that I wore at church and relaxed. I
watched them lead by encouraging and not doing the actual work. They left me room
to explore my own gifts, and they appreciated them.
I mean, look at
this precious pastor who performed my wedding ceremony:
How much cooler
can a “pastor” get? I’ve learned so much through her and much of it has been
when she didn’t know anyone was looking. She has phenomenal messages on
stage but she also speaks volumes in her actions.
I went to South
Africa and visited churches representing different cultures there. I served in
multiple ministries and watched young teens provide messages of hope to men and
women several years or decades their senior. “Pastor” fit them too. Look at this dear couple -I'm biased because it's my parents-in-law. They pastor a church in Mbekweni, the church I attend when I'm in South Africa.
Through these
interactions with various pastors on staff at my church and in South Africa–
both men and women, my image in my mind completely dissolved and did not
develop into anything else. The perspective shift in pastors gave me a perspective shift on who God was. I had limited his vastness, his wholeness. God had so many layers and parts to him that I
couldn’t even picture it anymore. He was white. He was Korean (I mean, he
created that heavenly gift of Korean BBQ and bi bim bap). He was Black. He was
SHE. He was feminine. He was fierce. He was kind. He was strong. He was old and
he was young. He made jokes and he laughed with delight. He was a kaleidoscope
of cultures and faces.
God got bigger and
bigger and better and better! How had I missed all this? No one had
intentionally set out to limit my perspective. It was just the single story
that I knew. He was the character that I knew, and my cast of characters was
limited.
During my years at
NewSong, I feel like the life I had been leading as a follower was flipped. It
was a rebirth. Sometimes the leader is the last line. Sometimes you speak the
loudest when you are quiet or say nothing at all. When you find yourself last
in line for the wrong reasons, sometimes you just turn around and become the
leader.
It was through all
of these experiences that I discovered this other precious member of the
priesthood:
ME!
The priesthood
that dwells in me had been awakened. I could also shepherd. I could lead. I
could be the one that makes the difference in one’s life – I didn’t have to
bring someone to church, I was the church. I play a crucial role in the
Kingdom. I began to see church as my filling place and the work was done
outside of the Sunday service. Oh and Sunday service? It is not an absolute.
Maybe one gains a better closeness in nature sometimes. What works for one may
not work for another – what is important is the relationship and what yield
closeness and spiritual growth.
Now as I search
for a pastor, I look for an encourager, a coach. I appreciate a good lesson on Sunday
but I know the rest of the message comes when I activate it. The pastor
is not there to carry my weight, tell me everything to do (the Bible already
tells me), pray for every single problem that I have of which I’m not doing
anything about, or conform to my perspective of scripture. He is support staff. He is a catalyst to set off a reaction that WE carry out. Sunday is our time to fuel up before our missions throughout the week.
I hope as I grow a
family, my children have multiple images and experiences of who God is. It is
up to me to provide multiple experiences, a diverse cast of characters, and an
acceptance of a unique experience.
But you are
a chosen people, a royal
priesthood, a holy
nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called
you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 1 Peter 2:9
Why don’t you
thank your pastor today? What can YOU do for him? Here are a few ideas:
- Cook a meal for his family and DROP IT OFF – don’t stay and ruin the peace
- Send a card telling them what they mean to you - one to EACH if for the couple
- Babysit their kids so they can go out alone to a non-church function
- Give a gift certificate to a restaurant or something fun
- Give the wife or (woman) pastor a candle, bracelet or something she can enjoy that doesn’t have bible verses. It’s like being a educator….we like things without apples or children sometimes
- Tithe- if you don't, you are taking from the church. We leave filled every Sunday. We appreciate the pastor and other support staff that cares for our children. we'll pay the daycare providers during the week, why not Sundays? We often go to counseling or other support groups but we don't think about the fact that we are abusing a system. If you benefit, give back. If you don't benefit, still give so others who don't have financial resources can receive. Tithing pays salaries. For some churches, funding from resources are coming out of the pastor's empty pockets.
- Change your perspective and expectations.
- Pray for THEM - they have the same struggles, hopes, temptations, worries as all of us
Also, please don’t
forget the wife (or husband). SHE may not have signed up for this job initially and she should not have to live in a glass house. I think women especially have a difficult
time due to gender (and other) expectations that WE place. She carries the weight with and of her husband (or HE
carries the weight of his pastor WIFE).
Go love your pastor,
Danielle
PS:
This lovely pastor
April wrote a book about working with youth. Maybe gift that to your local
youth pastor or read it if you work with youth. Click here for her website.
Dave has a few
books out. The Monkey and the Fish really changed my outlook on the Church
and he has now released his latest book. Find out more by clicking here.
