Where does God meet you?
For me, it tends to be in the most random of places. Like this one recent meeting place..check it out....
It was in the exercise room in my hotel in Austin. Maybe it was because I summoned him so many times while on the elliptical at a level past where I had any business being? At any rate, it was the unlikeliest of places but perfect. But, isn’t that how it always is?
Some of you know that I have been interviewing some in Austin, considering a relocation. (For those of you who didn’t know, sorry! I didn’t want everyone all up in arms until it was necessary) I was in Austin for my second interview at a place that seemed promising. I was excited about the possibility of living closer to home where my parents could easily drive and visit and being back on Southern ground (while in a more liberal spot). I had become very excited about the possibilities even though I dreaded change. Austin for some reason crept up around the time I went to Idaho and there were several strange coincidences that led me to believe I should research. For a while, I had felt that was some sort of urging taking place for a change though I wasn’t quite sure what it was. I just knew I’d be ready and obedient. My first interview fell through, which in hindsight was for the best. I flew out Friday (um, wake-up call 2:45am to be out of LAX by 6:20am!!) to meet with this new clinic after having had some phone interviews already. The clinic was very comfortable and nice and I knew I could easily fit in there. As much as I loved it, something didn’t “sit right” with me.
I was exhausted that night and slept longer than I’ve slept in a while! I woke up emotional from a dream that was very interesting. Many of you know how crazy my “Dream World” is. I have been struggling emotionally with a difficult situation for a while and in my dream, things went the way I’d hoped but they were not for the best. More emotions and pain surfaced and I actually woke up crying. When I realized it was a dream, I knew it wasn’t just a dream. I had this sense of healing and renewal that I’ve been searching for for a long time. But, my day wasn’t over yet....more goodness was to come.
It was raining out, and I love the rain, so I stayed in all day resting, watching TV, and napping. I felt guilty so I grabbed the iPod and headed to the hotel exercise room. I hurt myself on the elliptical and then decided to do a quickie cool-down on the treadmill. I put on some of my low-key music and hopped on, and then the most beautiful silent conversation began. I realized my 5-minute intention had lasted 40 minutes at which time I began to feel my legs again.
On Orphan Sunday (November 6) at our church, adoption moved from the back burner of my mind to the front. I’m not sure how I’d been given this desire at a young age growing up in a small town knowing no one who had been involved in international adoption, but it has always been there. The seed has been nourished and has blossomed since attending NewSong and visiting Africa. I’ve seen the need of orphaned children and have been surrounded by a community of people who love them as much as I do. On that day, I took a personal bold step and began to pray for the child that would someday call my home “home.”
I’ve been talking to my parents and weighing the options of going versus staying. They are very supportive either way. My dad always encourages and supports, simply saying “you will make the right decision.” Will I? I told them I had started to think more seriously about adoption in the next couple years so I need to start laying the foundation for that now--paying off the rest of my school loans as much as I can and stashing money, researching, supporting other adoptive families, further building community, etc.
I was reminded of this on the treadmill. If God + I could have a convo, the script would have looked like this:
Me: high-5 for the dream last night. I’ve needed that. So, whats up with Austin? Why am I not feeling it? I’m obedient.
God: I appreciate it but its not time to go. I love that you follow and are willing to act.
Me: Does this have anything to do with November 6?
God: I can’t tell you specifics but follow what you are feeling.
Me: I am willing to adopt as a single but I’m still hoping for a man.
God: Trust me on that one.
Me: I’ve trusted for years but no one has showed up, but okay...
God: I appreciate your willingness to move but the time has passed and you should stay. Think not about what you don’t like, but focus for a minute on what you have. What is in your hand?
Suddenly, I looked past the things I didn’t like about Orange County. I’ve always loved my job but I haven’t enjoyed living in OC as much as LA. People’s faces kept flashing up in my mind and I could see all the community I’ve built at NewSong, with friends, online (adoptive families + single moms) and at work. These are people, that no matter how long I’ve known them or how well I know them, they have a similar heart and would walk the adoption journey with me, no matter single or married.
I loved this clarity and peace so much that Sunday I returned for another “date” on the treadmill. At that point, I felt like God said “Remember reading The Alchemist? Well, you are Santiago” in regard to work and seeing why I put you there in 2004. You’ve been building your foundation for a while and can continue to do so. I never forget this but I thought over again how much I love my workplace, especially my employer. Where else would I find someone that would support me not just professionally but spiritually and personally? I love the ability to ask her to take off her “boss hat” and put on the “mom hat.”
In summary, what a weekend! It was not in the least how I expected. I came home with a new peace and excitement and was thrilled to be touching down in LAX to continue this adventure. What will unfold? I keep feeling like I’m on the cusp of something great.
A few of my favorite quotes from the Alchemist:
“What you still need to know is this: before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we’ve learned as we’ve moved toward that dream. That’s the point at which, as we say in the language of the desert, one ‘dies of thirst just when the palm trees have appeared on the horizon.’
“Every search begins with beginner’s luck. And every search ends with the victor’s being severely tested.”
"We are afraid of losing what we have, whether it's our life or our possessions and property. But this fear evaporates when we understand that our life stories and the history of the world were written by the same hand."
"And, when you want something, all the universe conspires to help you achieve it."
