Our first Winter

As most of you know, this is our first Winter in St. Louis - well, our first Winter anywhere that has a real Winter. We've lived in cold places with low temperatures but we have never dealt with snow that doesn't dissolve shortly after falling. We keep being asked: What do we think?

Well, what we think is Winter is not our favorite season physically or financially. It's so fun to watch the snow fall and accumulate. It is beautiful to see as it settles on the tree branches and over the hills. Now, I say this from the perspective of the heated car window or more especially from my window at our apartment. It isn't fun YET brushing off the car (well, ask Luba) or sliding driving in it. I slid a couple times on the last drive. I've never had such tightly clenched body parts and white knuckles before.

First of all, we are grossly under-dressed. Due to getting back on our feet financially after a cross country move and the fact that I'm always under-dressed in cool/cold temperatures, we have not yet grown our winter wardrobe and supplies. We have coats to get us by and we will definitely be prepared next year (remind me to read this sentence next year to see if I'm laughing or crying uncontrollably). Luba has been his more-than-awesome self as usual. After a snowfall, he brushes off my car before he leaves for work even on those days I go in much later and have more time.

Luckily, it has been a very mild Winter. High five, God, you know we can only handle smaller increments in change and temperature. We are weak mortals. It has only really affected us on 2 workdays so that's pretty minimal.

The nice thing is that everyone understands it and appreciates getting off the road and settled in somewhere when you can, or when you suck at driving in snow. It has been a forced slow pace, which has been nice. It was great timing for our Whole30 because we weren't tempted by sunny outside patios at breweries or picnics in the park with cheeses & meats!

I constantly remind myself of thoughts shared in the post, Seasons. How I'll appreciate that Spring! Come on now, Spring, so that I can fully appreciate you.

I'll post some pictures below from our new Winter Wonderland.

Stay warm,

Danielle

 first time behind the wheel

 

 Bless him - he's the sweetest

 

Seasons

Hello from a beautiful Fall day in St. Louis!

I have been in “puppy love” with Fall here. It has always been my favorite season but I’ve never experienced it so fully as I have here in our first year in St. Louis. The trees are beautiful. So many times I have pulled over to take a picture. I often just swipe through my photos looking at the gallery of trees I’ve captured. The crisp cool breezes are romantic and invigorating. We are surrounded by beauty- we need not look too hard to find it. We are captivated by the colors we see at only this time of year. How many shades of golden? Orange? I had never seen these shades.

One reason I was excited to move here was to experience true seasons.  Recognizing that Winter would be difficult I knew the other seasons would be so much more appreciated and anticipated. In California, it’s hard to complain about year-round sunshine, but for me, it was not healthy. I needed the sights, sounds, feelings, and social experiences of all four seasons. Seasons are a physical tangible reminder of the cycles and seasons of life. Walking outdoors or through the park can be as good a sermon as Sunday morning.

Just look at these pictures: 

I love Fall most but I feel like when we are in a “Fall” in our lives, we know to cherish it. We know it can change any time. We recognize that we are living in the “good days,” and odds are that they can only last so long before we are faced with a challenge. Slowly we see the signs that the year (of our lives) is changing. Fall teases me with the hardest of seasons for me – Winter. The beloved leaves are falling from the trees in greater numbers. You can now see the bare branches instead of the full kaleidoscope of red, orange, brown and golden leaves. The air is more biting in the mornings and evenings. Ice begins to form early in the mornings providing us with warnings. There's a sense of preparedness. One day, we wake up and ask, “Where did it go?” although we know the answer already. we hope that we had acknowledged the subtleties and seized the opportunities before the next season comes.  

Winter often too closely follows Fall. It will come, there's no doubt. Winter is when we bunker up. We store up and we bustle less. We cling to each other to keep warm. We spend more time at home. We look for comfort. Flavors become warm and spicy. There’s a feeling of heaviness. The world outside can be bitter and harsh. There can be scarcity. There’s death. Maybe we barely get by. We question if we will survive this season. We have to reorient to what is important. We have to look more closely and longer to find beauty. We have to look for a “different” kind of beauty in this season. We don’t like it but it’s necessary, necessary for life and regrowth.

I need not go into detail as it is not my story, but Winter hit our family. I had been basking in my Fall (literally and spiritually). But, I knew. I felt Winter whispering. I felt tinges of cold blow through my soul. And then it came. So, just like the season, the family has bunkered up. We’ve stored up plans, love, and swords of scripture. We cling to togetherness, the essentials, and the bottom line. It’s harsh and bitter, but we know that as the seasons have beautifully taught us, Spring will come. On the other side of Winter is newness, vibrancy, life, growth. We will be renewed and refreshed, and we will never be the same as we were. As hard as it can be and will be, we take hope in Spring because we know that it is around the corner.

John Steinbeck said, "What good is the warmth of summer, without the cold of winter to give it sweetness.”

Each season has so much to teach us, if we will watch.

So, loves, enjoy the season that you are in if you are in a sweet one. If you find yourself in Winter, hold on. Though it may not feel soon enough, Spring will come.

Love,

Danielle

To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

He hath made everything beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8, 11 (King James Version)

In this season

Here’s a loooooooong overdue update!

First of all, thank you so much for your generous support and donations! Of my personal goal of $765, I’ve raised $640. The team as a whole has surpassed our goal of $4865 so we are set!! We are humbled by your generosity.

As the date draws near to leave (tomorrow!), I reflect on how much “missions” has personally changed my life and that makes me excited for what this trip has in store!

I think the best change has been the many lessons on being transparent and vulnerable to others -- not only to my supporter community, teammates, family, and friends but also to everyone whose paths cross mine. The hardest part, however, is not being vulnerable to others but to myself. In that capacity, I’ve learned how to maintain a more obedient posture and to listen to that quiet voice that seems to come only when on one’s knees--the voice that encourages us to expose what has been so intricately hidden and disguised so that we can connect with others in a way beyond our imagination and sometimes comfort level -- a connection through pain that ultimately creates beauty and activates love.

I’ve learned to use whatever time/phase with which God has entrusted me. For now, it is a season of singleness. I never imagined to be in this season for so long and there’s a lot I could say but that’d take up too many blog posts. I’m happy I’ve always clung to that voice that has reminded me on so many occasions during dating, “Yes, you could have this but if you wait, I have so much more to give yo beyond what you can imagine.” For the past year, I’ve been waiting for the right opportunity to use this time. Over that same amount of time, my attention kept being drawn to the Village at NewSong. [Click here for more information about the Village] The purpose of the village is to provide a space to connect families who have a heart for orphaned or vulnerable children.

I decided to follow that continual prompt and attend a planning meeting to find out more about how I could get involved as a single woman (having known for years that I want to adopt internationally in the future). I thought at the very least I could find out information about the process for future reference. For those that know me, you know my skills are organizing, leading, and being a catalyst to set ideas into motion. For the first time, I sat dumbfounded and completely useless in the meeting. I wondered if that meant that I was there by mistake. I uncomfortably stayed through the meeting, feeling misplaced. During the closing prayer, my thoughts drifted (I’ve recently diagnosed myself with “prayer-induced ADD”) to a stream of my own.

I love the freedom of being single, but no matter what stage of life we are in at the time, I think dark thoughts seep in from time to time. These are a few thoughts that ran through my mind at that moment:

I’ve been so patient with waiting for the “right” men and do my best to serve others, how come so many other women who settle and/or who are selfish have beautiful families and seem to have everything?

Why doesn’t the right person pick me--am I getting too old?

Once again, passed over for the “cuter more outgoing one” or “the one that puts on a better show”As these thoughts grew and circled through my mind, I clearly felt God say, “Danielle, you ARE in the exact place I want you to be even though you can’t see it right now. These thoughts that you have circling and the pain they induce are what brought you here. These words (lies) and pain are felt by thousands of orphaned children every day as they also watch and wait. The pain in wait bind your hearts.” The strength and clarity of that message moved me to tears.

As I said, I love being single but with every “season” there is pain that is meant to bring awareness and spring love into action.

With what season has God entrusted you?
How will you use your pain and experiences?