Here are her precious words:
When I was little, my mom told me that it was wrong to take something that didn’t belong to me. I took this in the most literal way possible - if that boy over there was reading a book, that was his book. If a girl over there is drawing with colored pencils, those are her colored pencils. It seemed like a reasonable enough concept at the time. But as I got older it became harder to judge what belonged to whom. Not everything is as concrete as a book or some pencils. Maybe it becomes their family that is now yours. Or your family that is now theirs. When you’re in a relationship with another person, how do you determine how much of them is yours or how much you must give up to be theirs? If someone gives something to you, can it be considered taking? As I’ve learned from my aunt, the other side of gaining, it seems, is losing.
My aunt met her husband while on a mission trip in South Africa. It was both lucky and unlucky. Lucky, because she found him. Unlucky, because she lived in Orange County while he lived in South Africa. A while later, my uncle, Luba, applied for a visa and moved to Orange County to live with my aunt. They were planning their wedding. I thought it was a beautiful story - perfect, even. But I had to think about this new member of my family. I had to think about how his life had been affected, in comparison to my aunt’s, in comparison to mine. I gained a wonderful addition to my family, while he lost his family in some ways. Luba is not able to see his mother any time he wants, or go and visit with his sister, to whom he was very close. He did become a part of our family, but I can’t imagine that it was the same type of family he had in South Africa. Luba lost his culture but was introduced to ours. He lost his home; he lost somewhere he was very familiar with. Despite all of this seemingly insufferable damage, Luba has said to me that my aunt makes it all worth it. When he describes her as gorgeous, inside and out, intelligent, amazing, and most of all worth it, it causes me to rethink about the concept of gaining and losing. Maybe the other side of gaining isn’t losing. Maybe it’s backwards. The other side of losing, I’ve realized, is gaining. For everything you lose, you gain something that helps you to grow. All of this does not make their story any less beautiful or perfect, it just embodies the concept of gaining and losing in a way that goes far beyond some colored pencils and a book.
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