It is time....

So many of you have asked…What are your plans? What is this glow that you have about? What’s the latest with your adoption dream? Well, this post should answer those questions and more importantly let you know how you can be a part of it.

For a background, please click here for the post that explains why I didn’t move to Austin and about the beginning of actively praying for a child in need.

Why adoption?

I’ve walked around with a heavily weighted heart for orphans for years and stayed within the “one day” state of mind. On November 6, 2011 at NewSong, we had Orphan Sunday. Several adoptive families went up on stage to dedicate their children who have “come home.” It was a beautiful celebration with tears of joy but also with tears of sadness. These families are truly my heroes. So many already have “the perfect” biological family but have chosen to further open their hearts to love the orphaned through foster or adoption. On that Sunday, I prayed for a child that needs/will need a home and would be mine. I’m not sure if he/she is born yet or what his/her current circumstances are but I prayed that God would prepare our lives to one day meet. This was step one of the process.

I’ve always wanted to adopt, from a young age, and I’m not sure how I came to want that because I knew no one that had adopted. I was also not accustomed to seeing multiracial families. It was when I went to Guatemala and South Africa and visited orphanages that it solidified in my heart and made sense. This is just who I am and the seed was planted from early on.

I want the family I dreamed of with a as-close-to-perfect-as-you-can-get-and-still-be-normal husband, me, and kids of our own along with adopted children. Until now, that hasn’t been in the cards for me. In a perfect world, I’d have that prior to initiating this whole process but we don’t live in a perfect world, do we? If we did, this post would be unnecessary and adoption would not even exist. I never wanted to settle down early because I wanted to be successful and independent as a woman first and have some dreams put to rest before having children. Unfortunately, this leaves me, along with many other women in their 30s, with limited options in the man department. Having been single and “in waiting” and still holding out hope for the one that God intends me to have, I know the loneliness of being alone and feeling like the one last chosen to be on the kickball team in elementary school. I feel like in a similar but different and very very small way, I feel the same as many children out there in need of a home. We both ache for different reasons but both long for a family and someone to be on “our team” for good. More on that can be found on this blog post.

Since that time, I’ve been busy researching blogs of women who’ve charted the path of adoption as a single, interviewed single moms on their juggling and budgeting skills, started a specific savings account for adoption, and have attended adoption meetings through international agencies and Orange County Social Services. There was a lot of “safe” action going on in the name of preparation for that “one day.”

In the past few weeks, I feel this urging and voice that says “it’s time.”

It feels that the dialogue is continually this:

God: It’s time

Me: “One day”

God: It’s time

Me: I’m prepping

God: Put feet on it. It’s time. Create a space and I’ll fill it.

This moves me out of my comfort zone and prompts me to action. It feels like when you are a kid and you go on the high dive for the first time. You stand at the edge that moves with your weight and stare down at the water. I’ve been standing there a long time.

The themes that come to mind are:

Be intentional.

Be expectant.

I’ve been fortunate to have such a supportive community and thank those of you who have offered countless words of encouragement or who have attended meetings with me so I’m not sitting alone among couples.

I appreciate any words of encouragement or advice in planning. Please do refrain from saying things like the following—phrases which I’m more than capable of telling myself:

• Having a child is hard.
• Raising a child is expensive.
• It's hard without a husband/I fall apart when my husband is on a business trip.
• Are you sure you want to do this?
• That’s a big responsibility.
• You’ll have to change your lifestyle.

I get it. It will be hard, I know. I know that I can’t even fathom how hard it will be until the time comes. I know that it'll be even harder because I'm loving children who no longer trust adults. I know that I’m taking the road less taken. I know I’m putting the “cart before the horse.” I know that I will raise a huge question mark.

But I also love this: It further creates my story—the story that was written for me long ago and it being fulfilled. It opens doors for conversation. It opens doors for healing. It puts me in alignment to being me.

Here are some other things I do know:

I’m strong and I persevere-always.

With being single and having family on the other side of the nation, I haven’t had the luxury of depending on others for help with big-decision making, doing mundane tasks, or just making life easier in the simplest of ways. I know what is like to drive yourself to the ER with a pain level of 10 on the 1-10 scale because no one is available when you need to go. I think this long journey of inconvenience has been great prep for this moment. I’ve learned so much through even the small tasks. One day before a wedding, I tried to get dressed and the dress was new and impossible to button by one’s self because the button holes (2 of the #$%@ things) were cloth and not worn in yet as well as dang hard to reach without rubber arms. The inability to simply get dressed for yet another person’s wedding caused a mini-meltdown. I was determined to do this and after 30-45 minutes of sweating off my make-up, shouting expletives at the top of my lungs, and cursing singleness for this one day, I buttoned those 2 buttons. I know that it’s a menial task but it was just the tip of the iceberg of bigger things. Besides, this dress made my womanly parts look even womanlier so it was going to this wedding.

I know who I am.

Much to my dismay, I followed friends’ prompts and tried online dating. As I filled out the profile and was forced to think about who I am, I wondered how many married or dating couples are able to describe themselves (in “I” not “we”) at the drop of a hat. It was good practice to remind myself of all that I am. I’ve had many near misses in my past and have had more than 9 lives at this point. I know I’m here for a reason. I’ve always known I’m meant to be a mother—even if not in the most conventional way.

I have a village.

I have the support of family and friends. I’m also walking the journey with others who have adopted at NewSong. I’m surrounding myself with amazing women and mothers through Mom’s group on Friday mornings at NewSong. I have a supportive work environment. I’m great with networking for common denominators.

I am obedient and that obedience will be honored.

I’ve had quite the list of “I’ll never” in my past and each one has come to pass. I think God must have written each one on a post-it note and dropped it down in my timeline at random times while he sat back to enjoy the show. With each one that has come to pass, I feel like he reminds me “My plan is so much better than your plan.” This has been tried and true so I know it’ll continue. One “I’ll never,” has been to never adopt domestically because of the fear and reality of reunification of the child with the birth family. I said I’d only adopt internationally which has been my heart’s desire for as long as I can remember. Now, I’m open to both and am obedient. I know the right situation will present itself and it will work out.

I know that God will provide.

God’ heart is adoption. God has a special place for children and he not asks but demands that we care for the orphans. I have no doubt that with some adjustments on my part, we will be okay.

So, big breath. That’s where I’m at.

Now, how can you be involved?

An African proverb (supposedly African) says “It takes a village to raise a child.” It also takes a village to bring one home.

Want to know some tangible ways you can be the Village right now?

Here are a few easy ones I’ve thought of:

1. Recycle: If you'll save your bottles and pass them on to me, then I'll recycle and put that money into the savings account. I've found that when I save up for months, I barely make enough to buy a latte. I just feel better about taking care of the environment and doing my part. If we think like a village, and put all of the recycling together, so much more can go toward bringing a child home or providing a safe home from abuse. If you are willing to donate recyclables (bottles, juice and water jugs, ink cartridges, beer and wine bottles), then I could pick them up from you when you need or get them at work/church. Free money! You could also watch the village grow by asking your co-workers or students (for teachers) to put recyclables aside for this. If you are willing to do this, please send me an email.
2. Hire a babysitter-me!: I've decided to practice giving up some fun weekend nights to care for children. Should you need a babysitter, let me know! You can message me for rates and specifics. All money will go to the adoption savings fund.
3. Pray: you can email me for a list of specifics

This blog was long. This process will be long. I've designated 2012 as the year to pay off as much debt as humanly possible and to prepare. I'll start the application process in early 2013. Thank you for reading, hoping, praying, dreaming with me, and for possibly becoming involved. Please remember to be expectant and be intentional along with me.
Much much love,
Danielle