Another year goes by.....

My birthday was a few weeks ago. [I need not disclose the number.] I had an amazing time thanks to many friends and family. This was an extra special birthday as I’ve seen friends in a new light as they’ve stepped forward to become a special community that has made a “village” for adoption. I’ve wholly become more appreciate of my family away from home. Just the thoughts and admiration of them make me burst with happiness and a smile pops on that hurts my face more than Miss Universe’s must.

Although I got many wonderful and personal gifts (all unnecessary but greatly appreciated), one was given that just took my breath away and made my heart completely blow up. It is a handmade gift from a friend. Because the weight of paying off debts AND saving for adoption is hard to bear (especially when the numbers are large, or equal, in my case), she made a visual (I LOOOOOVE visuals) that would help me track progress toward saving. The left column is in $25 increments. Each time you get $25, you fill in that block. When you reach $250, then you cover another $250 increment on the chart on the right with a jewel. The end goal is $25,000. She gave it to me with $1000 covered as that is about what is in “Shorty’s” account now. She also donated $25 and blocked in the first increment. Awesome right? This reminds me of how far I’ve come and how far I have to go. When filled, it will be dazzling in Shorty’s room, right!??! THANK YOU, AMANDA!!

What is in Shorty’s account right now?  $1308.58

I also have a garage that is constantly overflowing with recycling to take in and more to collect from friends!

I haven’t blogged in a while and have been processing a lot of comments that I’ve heard--some of which are annoying, unbelievably good, and buckled-over laugh inducing.

The annoying? 

At a child’s birthday party, I met a couple with a baby. As they were chatting with another couple, I heard the woman saying, “We moved from XX to XX to be closer to my mother. You just can’t have a baby without your family that close.” [Insert here the sound of steam coming from the teapot mixed with brakes squealing] Now, it doesn’t matter the cities marked by XX but know that it is less than 50 miles to be safe (more like 30). I felt the stab and immediate doubt creep in. Could I do it as a single (if I’m single then)? My family is on the other side of the US. 

Luckily, quickly, I heard the soft internal whisper of “You aren’t her. You are strong. You can do it. I will help you do it.” Of course, the devil in me wanted to yell “Weakling, I bet you don’t take the trash out by yourself.” Yikes, I feel better. It’s hard not to compare—one single income hard-working gal vs. two income very successful parents with family close-by and then one healing child who has encountered more than many adults vs. one clean slate healthy baby. I had to go back and re-read a former blog post of mine.  

I have to remind myself who to listen to as well. I’ve noticed that several of the gals who tell me, “OH MY GOD, having a baby/kid is so expensive!” are the ones who “over-do it” (IMHO) in many cases. Also, many of them are ones with a great double income. I’ve found that my friends who have a meager income and make sacrifices for the children to have cute stuff but keep it real and not “overboard” all say “It’s a budgeting difference—you just change your spending and it isn’t that bad.” What an interesting contrast….that’s a whole ‘nother blog in itself!

The unbelievable?

Well, there is a child at work that I would loooooooooooooooove to have but there are some complicating factors and timing isn’t feeling right. Even though that is its “own” situation, the fact that I have a village is an understatement.  When I even entertained the idea of looking into possibilities of fostering-to-adopt, so many from my village rose up which overwhelmed with me and made me feel at ease for the support I’ll have when the right time comes.  I heard the following (just a few of the many):

“We all think that you can do this. You are the only one that doesn’t know it.”

“I’ll go to social services classes with you to finish your prerequisite obligations so you don’t have to go alone.”

“I can help find clothes. My neighbor has a child the same age”

“We all have things we can give you. Don’t worry about the initial cost.”

I think this helped me to file away the other experience I had. I never said or imagined it to be easy. In fact, I know it will be harder than I can fathom at this point. BUT, I know this has always been in my heart and I know that I’ll make the sacrifices necessary to make sure it happens and that I do it well.

The laugh inducing?

The other question that comes up and recently even flew out of the mouth of a man: [drumroll]

Don’t you think that if you adopt as a single, you will have trouble meeting a man?

Okay first off, “trouble meeting  a man” makes me chuckle. I have not met a good one in QUITE a while for dating purposes. I’m staying optimistic and believing they are/he is out there on a parallel path to mine for now. One day our paths will cross, but OC is not the prime area for networking and meeting possible suitors.

The question makes me chuckle too because I’ve stupidly made decisions in the past to NOT do things I’ve felt I should because they may put me in an inopportune place or time to meet a man. Tsk, tsk, tsk.Hindsight is always 20/20 though, right?

As much as I’ve thought about it in the past, I do not think about it with adoption. I think because I know that God placed this in my heart (long ago) with the desire to start working toward it at this time. I’m not sure when the process will tangibly begin, but I know it will. I’ve been entrusted with this dream so I’m choosing to step out in faith toward a goal. I don’t know all the answers to when, where, and how. I don’t know if someone will come along in the process or after, but I do know that someone will come along.

I know that someone will come along who shares a heart for the orphaned or hurting children and if caring for them means providing them a home, then he will be on board.  

I know that someone will come along who will appreciate my commitment to my faith and pursuit of a God-placed and God-sized dream, and he will be smitten.

So when I think about the men I’ll miss out on because of my choice (to adopt or to have adopted already), I am thankful that I can so easily scratch them off the list from the get-go. There will be no question and no compromise on the act of adoption itself. I will not be able to walk into that trap that so many fall into “With time and lots of love (or cooking), he may change his mind about [insert personal dream here]." I won’t wait 9 months in to the relationship to figure out they don’t actually want to adopt after all. I won’t make excuses for someone else or put my calling and dream aside when I feel distance from him because may be totally on board.  I do not need the kind of man who will shy away from my life, my accomplishments and service, my faith, and my choices. 

So, THANK YOU for your kind words, well wishes, beer bottles, trash, and offers of assistance. None of it went unnoticed, even if I had a flat affect that did not convey my internal clapping and squeals or tears of happiness.