Will I still adopt?

Lately, especially after posting the love story, I’ve gotten two questions fairly equally: 

When is he coming?

Are you still going to adopt?

I’m always surprised by the 2^nd question.  Sometimes my face contorts into this awful “WT…” expression before I can sweetly smile and mutter, “Of course!” As a good Southern girl, I never say “I’m recycling S@#& for fun!” or “The whole ‘recycle for adoption’ project was a whim!” If you have asked me these questions, please do not feel badly! I appreciate a continued conversation and you choosing to be part of this journey. However, I felt like I should clarify the intent behind the adoption process AND make sure you know that your diligent saving of recyclables is not in vain and I do not now plan to spend that money on something else.

Adoption has never been a backup plan for me “in case I’m single forever.”  It was not a choice made out of necessity. When I made a decision to make plans for adoption as a single, I was very intentional. There were still ways that I could have a baby biologically. There was still hope of marriage. But, for me, it was my plan all along and I felt the prompting to start building the foundation in obedience to a dream I’ve carried since childhood and to the move of the Spirit. Some child in need out there is my first choice [even if life means it comes into my home 2^nd] despite my own personal circumstances and desires.

I love children. I must, right, I work with them HOURS upon HOURS per week. It never gets old [well, ok sometimes one needs a mini Starbucks break] but my heart is with children, children who often experience some type of brokenness. I’ve always wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember.  My heart has always broken for ones that got a rougher plight in life. Lately, I’ve found more courage to deviate from the norm and own what I feel in saying that my ovaries don’t dance and become restless when I hold a baby. There’s a mother’s instinct in me that becomes excited and awakened.  But, I don’t initially dream of the big belly, late night feedings, a child with my nose/eyes/hair, etc. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I don’t think of or want those things. Let me tell you though, NOTHING shakes my soul and the mother inside me like seeing a child in foster care. The emotions well up and I’m fully aware that THIS is a definite stop on my journey to motherhood as God wrote it for me. There is no denying it. It is literally a physiological response. I love seeing mommies with their babies and toddlers. It always makes me smile to watch the unique ways mothers bond. I passed by a room at work and saw a young mother interacting with a child that she that she is in the process of adopting and I just stopped in my tracks. Tears quickly came as I stood there [which later developed into full blown ugly cry of happiness]. This moment was sacred so much that I felt intrusive. It was a rare sight of Heaven meeting Earth. It was witnessing a small step in a path of redemption—two lives filled with heartache and brokenness meshing into 1 family to put the pieces together in a beautiful and unique way. Even now, tears pour just remembering this site and the tangible feeling of love. This makes my world go ‘round in a different way than seeing the aisles of “stuff” at Babies R Us. All of us as women are different. There’s not one right feeling for everyone but we each know our own “right.”  Definitely, the situation with Luba, “the boy” starring in the post, has opened a door to certain kids that could be welcomed into a home and parented “better” than others. 

So, an emphatic YES is the answer to that 2^nd question!

The follow-up question when I give that yes is: 

Don’t you want to have your own?

I’ve answered this a couple times just this week. My answer is always “But when I do adopt, they will be my own.” Adoption is a new ballgame to most people so they don’t know the rules and terminology so all of us on the journey must practice grace. All of these people who have asked are the sweetest, most concerned friends, friends that will be there to help in any way possible. I know this. I learned myself when I started this journey lingo that I never knew existed. I learned ways to offend families unknowingly out of good intent. We’ve all been there (including me) but we learn together and we continually practice grace. My friend, April Diaz, wrote an honest post on what it feels like to get that question. Check it out HERE. 

If it works out [can you hear that “tick tock?”], I would love a biological child as well, for a lot of reasons. I’d love to see what he or she would look like, if “she” would have crazy hair for poofs, etc. [Dear Jesus, please give him or her Luba's laidbackness or just maybe a "bit" of it because I can only survive one ME]

So, those are my answers. Remember how this society celebrates sameness? It makes it hard to come out and say “I feel different from the rest and it is OK!” I have that courage, and I hope that you do too. Maybe you don’t even want children. Know that, that is OK too.

Be bold,

Danielle